Thursday, January 04, 2007

"There's a Bathroom on the Right"

You know all of those misunderstood song lyrics like:

"There's a BATHROOM ON THE RIGHT" instead of "There's a bad moon on the rise"
(Bad Moon, Creedance Clearwater Revival)

or

"Excuse me while I kiss THIS GUY" instead of "Excuse me while I kiss the sky."
(Purple Haze, Jimmy Hendrix)

or

"I'm SHAVING OFF MY MUFF for you" instead of "I'm saving all my love for you"
(Saving All My Love for You, Whitney Houston)

Okay, nobody thinks they heard that last one wrong, but that's damn funny.

So, today while driving down Broadway Avenue in Chicago I heard Ironic by Alannis Morisette , and I remembered THE stupidest misunderstood lyric that your's truly concocted. I honestly, and you're not going to believe this, thought that instead of "a death row PARDON a minute too late," I thought she said "hard-on." I remember thinking, what does she mean by that? Maybe some poor sap is on death row and he's got a conjugal visit going, and he can't get any led in his pencil. Then the MINUTE his lady friend leaves he gets the stiffy of a LIFE TIME. I actually thought up that whole STUPID ASS scenario, rather than just think what else she could have said when, of course, pardon made perfect sense.

I'm sorry to say that my little death row scenario does not come any closer to the actual definition of irony than Alanis did in any of her versus or the chorus of the song Ironic, but I will say that it's a far more interesting tale, "don't you think. Oh yeah, I really do think . . ."

Okay, seven readers, tell me the dumbest thing you sang along to a song thinking it was right as rain.

29 comments:

Alannah said...

I just wrote a post like 2 weeks about about this very topic (mondegreens - love that word). I'll give you a new one though..in the James Gang song "Life's Been Good" he sings "I've got an office, gold records on the wall" and I always sang it "I've got an office CALLED Records On The Wall."

Okay that's not very exciting. My best ones are in MY post.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Wow, that "Ironic" one takes the cake.

While I can't think of any that I've actually done, my favorite is one that my cousin used to sing for "Flashdance." Instead of "Take your passion and make it happen" she would sing "Take your pants off and make it happen" which really brings the song to a new level.

5 of 9er said...

Your's is tops for sure.
The best one I have ever heard... was while in high school this girl in the back seat of a car I was in was singing along to "Anarchy In the UK" and instead of singing "I am an anti-Christ" she belted out "I am a fanny's wife."
What the hell is a fanny's wife?
We actually pulled over to discuss this... and also to laugh uncontrollably.

classyandfancy said...

Oh my God!!!! My brother and I used to sing that same line to "What a Feelin''! Because really you have to take your pants off to make it happen.

We also thought it was funny that in "Maniac" Michael Sembello says something like "You Ho", which sounds like well, you ho, but also like watermelon in Vietnamese.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Alanah: I'll have to check that post out . . .

Cherry: I thought it was "take your pants off" too! That Irene Cara was a forward chick. P.S., I just put on "What a Feeling" because I rule and it's my 30th bday in 5 hours.

9er: "A fanny's wife!!" Not nearly as menacing, but damn funny.

Classy: "She's a maniac, maniac on the floor (you ho?)." I'm listening for that line, because yes, I have that terrible song too, but I can't hear it. You sure your's isn't the Eazy E version?

Anonymous said...

In that Blinded by the Light song, I always used to think it was revved up like a douche instead of a deuce, but I think that's perfectly understandable given the general obscurity of the lyrics.

And the Lady in Red is dancing with me (cheek to cheek) I used to think the aside was "she's cheap."

that ironic one was hilarious, though.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Anon: Why would he up and tell her she's cheap? That's funny as hell.

Canadian Uncle of X said...

Hey Dr. Ken!

Happy, happy birthday to you. Big milestone, thirty. I must genuinely say I miss you, and would happily buy you a drink when I am in the Windy later this month.

Take care.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Canadian: Awwwwww I miss you too Canadian, as well as lots of people in that world. :(

Thanks for reading and for the birthday wishes, and I hope you enjoy your stay in my fair city!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Happy Birthday Dr. Ken.
You're seriously old now though.

Katie in the UK said...

Happy Birthday Dr. Ken! I have 2 to contribute to the post neither super exciting, just slightly bemusing (I love that word).

There is "guilty feet have got no rhythm" which my friend Mandy thought was "two left fett have got no rhythm"...and I recently learned that Ice, Ice Baby lyric I knew was wrong. I sang "float like a hawk who daily and nightly" and the line is "flow like a harpoon daily and nightly"

Both are dumb but how does a harpoon flow? I think my lyric is better!

K.I.D. said...

[Cherry] sent me. Happy 30th!

Will be there next year! Let me know what it's like...

-Kefla

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

Mine is from CCR (those guys need to ennunciate better)too! I used to think it was "Toot, toot, toot, tootin' out my back door," instead of "dude, dude, dude, lookin' out my back door." Considering the next verse is about "tambourines and elephants are playing in the band" it's understandable I would be confused...

laura said...

Nothing's gonna change my love for you
Come over now and let me show you

Real lyrics:
Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now how much I love you

In my defense, I didn't speak English until I was 15 years old so every song was brand new when I finally understood the lyrics.

Happy Birthday!

3rd Horesman said...

I dated a girl whose mom told me that she thought Eddie Vedder was
singing
"Hearts and Farts they fade, fade away" on Elderly Woman Behind the
Counter
In A Small Town. Now, I'm starting to think that he really does say
that.
Damn her!

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Cherry: Thanks for noticing! I feel old balls. Old, wrinkly, droopy balls.

Katie: Harpoons shoot more than they flow. Fire, sure. Jettison, maybe, but that's an awful big word for the likes of Vanilla.

K.I.D.: You want to know what it's like? See my response to Cherry.

Carrie: That is courteous of John Fogerty to toot outside, as to not suffocate his guests.

Laura: Wow! That's an awful song. Who sang that one again?

Horseman: Farts do, in fact, "fade. Fade away . . ." I make up the entire Yellow Ledbetter song. I just mumble along, not closing my mouth, and not forming any consonants.

Matt said...

Sticking with Alanis, I always thought the words in You Oughta Know which were;

"It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me"

sounded much more like

"It's not fair to deny me of the cross eyed bear that you gave to me"

Which always sounded like an odd gift to give to someone.

Happy Birthday Dr Ken! And a warm welcome to the world of the 30-somethings!

Alannah said...

I know it's your birthday and all but please don't mention "old, wrinkly, droopy balls" EVER AGAIN.

Steph said...

Happy Birthday to you! You old fart. xx

P.S best wrong lyric ever. My friend who sang "Ivan the tiger" in stead of "Eye of the tiger"!

classyandfancy said...

Oh, I forgot this one. I was at a roller rink not too long ago when they were playing Lil' John's "Snap Yo Fingers". I was jam skating singing, "Snap Yo Bibles". I thought it was an oddly religious song, but not odd enough not to stop my groove.

laura said...

Glenn Medeiros, I believe.

The sad thing is that I had my dad translate the song for me when I was about 10 and I thought to myself "I hope somebody sings that song for me one day"

Then some asshole 5th grader broke my heart next year and I was over that song!

hamburger helper said...

while singing the wrong lyrics at the top of your lungs in the privacy of your car or your favorite bar is embarrassing, singing the wrong lyrics during an opening night performance is a bit messier.

during one of my songs, i managed to mix up a few different verses. but i had to get back to the rhyming word to finish the line. so i wound up on stage in pigtails, wearing mickey mouse pajamas, holding a teddy bear, belting at the top of my lungs..."maybe i'll wake up and sleep with mom!"

(insert sound of chirping crickets...)

Mr Shife said...

Madonna -- Like a Virgin


See you next year.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

DARN! I just had really great responses to all of you, and it got erased. They were funny for this late at night too.

Jay said...

I always thought Iggy Pop's Lust for Life was about being a Yuppie in the 1980s, all because I was convinced it said: "Here comes Johnny in again, with his Luther Vandross and his Fax machine..."

I sang that shit for years.

crankybee said...

Dr. K, when I lived in the UK, Mark and Lard on Radio One insisted that Destiny's Child were singing "I'm a bus driver" instead of "I'm a survivor"...

Beege said...

I used to work with a guy that liked to sing along with the radio. One day "Jet Airliner" by Steve Miller Band came on and instead of singing "Big 'ol jet airlier", he belted out "Big 'ol Jed in the lighthouse"! I laughed so hard I nearly shit myself.

Drunken Chud said...

heh, i am full of em. the two i get hassled the most about were:

phil collins "in the air tonight" up until a few years ago i sang it as "in the ebb of night". yeah, kinda retarded. though the better one:

garth brooks "i will sail my vessel till the river runs dry" i sang as "i will sell my vest, till the river runs dry."

one of my favorites though is the red hot chillipeppers "with the birds i share this lonely view" i sang as "we built a shed it said long live you."

yeah, i'm slightly hard of hearing.

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