Saturday, August 11, 2007

26 Ladies

I recently got thinking about the best songs about girls with every letter of the alphabet. Blogging this topic became a bit of a labor of love, since there were two important, sometimes conflicting, considerations: How good the song is versus how cool the chick sounds. Ultimately I had to pick songs that struck the best balance between these two considerations, and I wanted to make a 26 track disc out of it. I would not mind input via your comments, and I'm not opposed to making changes if you make a good case. For some reason I think Zen Wizard is going to have some pearls of wisdom. In any event, here's the list:

A: Amie by Pure Prairie League. A nod to Angie by The Rolling Stones, but if he's dumping her she couldn't have been that great.

B: Burnadette by The Four Tops. He mentions that when he's with her he sees envy in other men's eyes, plus he just sounds ANGRY in love with her. This might be the best oldie of all time, and that's all there is to it. Chud, a loyal reader, pointed out that Brandy by Looking Glass should be on the list. It's a great song that always makes me happy. However because she'd be a good wife, yet he chooses "the sea" over her, it has to remain in the honorable mention category.

C: Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkle. What a slut, right? Shaking the poor guy's confidence. Daily, no less.

D: Diane, as in Jack and Diane by John Cougar Melloncamp. I would not mind having a hot-ass chick with whom to suck down a chili dog outside the Tasty Freeze.

E: Eleanore by The Turtles. Gee, I think she's swell. A nod, suggested by Chud, goes to Come On Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners for causing thoughts to "verge on dirty."

F: Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix

G: Gloria by Them and Girlfriend in a Coma by The Smiths are both good, but I have to go with Glad Girls by Guided By Voices because she ONLY wants to get me high. Girlfriend in a Coma just kind of lays there.

H: Hang on Sloopy by The McCoys is one hell of a song, but it should really be categorized under S, so I'm going to go with Chasing Heather Crazy by Guided By Voices. After all, she likes it when it grows.

I: Isabella by Jimi Hendrix. "I" was tough. Little help??

J: Jane Says by Jane's Addiction. This chick takes a swing, and she can hit. She sounds like my brand of crazy. A shout out goes to Jenny by Tommy Tutone, because you could get her number off a bathroom stall and break her off.

K: Killer Queen by Queen because not only is she well-versed in etiquette, but she's simultaneously dynamite with a laser beam and extraordinarily nice.

L: Lola by The Kinks is one helluva song, but I'm not sure what putting a tranny on my list would say about me. Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix was about his favourite groupie, which is nice, the song is good, but is her name really Little Wing? I'm going with Kadonkadonk, one of my reader's, suggestions, and changing my song to Layla by Derrik and the Dominoes. When you're in love with your best friend's wife, you tend to write passionate songs, and this one is no exception to that rule.

M: A lot of people might say Maybellene by Chuck Berry, Michelle by The Beatles, or My Michelle by G n' R, but I'm going with Monique the Freak by Ween. Deal with it.

N: Darling Nikki by Prince, because all her masturbating with a magazine got Tipper Gore's panties all in a bunch.

O: Ophelia by The Band. Pretty cool song, but mostly because there weren't many "O's."

P: Poison by Bell Biv Devoe. Never, EVER trust a big butt and a smile.

Q: Queen Wasp by The Misfits. Not the best song by these guys, but Q is tough, plus I'm happy to sneak the Misfits into this list.

R: Rosanna by Toto, because Roxanne by The Police is about a straight-up hooker. I likes them slutty, but not quite where they're getting paid for it.

S: Sexy Sadie by The Beatles is good, because this chick evidently came to turn on everyone, so how bad could she be? A nod also goes to Wake Up Little Suzie, because I think she put out. He said that they fell asleep, but you know he tapped that. I'm, evidently, one of those guys who would have said "oooh-la-la." I also considered Summer Babe by Pavement for her mixing of cocktails with a plastic-tipped cigar, but I just have to go with Sharleena by Zappa.

T: Tiny Dancer by Elton John, because it sparked that bus sing-along in Almost Famous.

U: Unbelievable by EMF. She sounded good, because unbelievable is a strong adjective, and I like the use of Andrew Dice Clay in the chorus.

V: Nods go to Veronica by Elvis Costello, Venus by Frankie Avalon, and Vera by Pink Floyd. However, I'm going with Valerie by Jerry Garcia, because he shot his dog because he growled at her. That's a special lady right there to make a guy make that rash of a decision. The song is quite good too.

W: Wonderwall by Oasis is a damn hit, but I have to go with West End Girls by Pet Shop Boys

X: Xena theme song??? That's horrible, I know, but I'm really drawing a blank here. Little help???

Y: I had gone with Yellow Leadbetter by Pearl Jam, even though I was pretty sure something that ridiculous could not be a woman's name. My buddy Neil, perhaps the biggest PJ fan in the free world, confirmed my suspicion that the song is not about a girl, so I had to take it off the list. However, he did come up with an alternative in Yolanda by Reality. Not a great song, but it helped me learn the vocab word bufanda, which is Spanish for scarf, when I was studying for a high school Spanish test in the mid-90's. You know, "Ohhhh-oooh-oooh, yeah, yeah. Oooooh-weeee, bufanda."

Z: Zoot Allures by Frank Zappa. I'm just going to assume that Zoot Allures is a girl's name, and I really can't be proven otherwise, since it's an instrumental.

* Some research was done through this website


Steph said...

Wow, very impressive. Especially in the X,Y,Z categories.

Dyck!! said...

It's AMIE, not Amy. Get it right.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Steph: I got through some tough letters, but you CAN'T be impressed by the Xena theme.

Dyck: I'm making the change now. See how interactive this list is!!

Dan said...

OK, your next assignment is movies with vegetables in their titles, A to Z please.

You have exactly 15 minutes ... starting ... NOW. Go!

Kadonkadonk said...

Eric Claptons 'Layla' is my all time favorite L song.

Jenny! said...

How much time do you have on your hands? You should jerk off more!

Jenny! said...

Also, that song is my enemy...provides men with the lamest pick up tactics...Baby I know your number!!!

zen wizard said...

That is pretty good:

For "P" I would go "Dear Prudence" by the The Beatles.

For "W" I would go "Wendy" by the Beach boys or I think there was another "Wendy" by The Association.

(The one that goes, "Who's walkin down the streets of the city/Smiling at everybody she sees...")

Since I am such a geeze, I would have to notate that Hank Ballard had a whole series of "Annie" songs some of which were banned for being lascivious, like "Work with Me Annie," "Annie Had a Baby," etc. (It is hard to forget a dude that got the title, "Baby Let Me Bang Your Box" on the charts in the Fifties.)

I am stuck on "X" and "Z."

Xanadu is a place, not a chick, and it sucked anyway--so that is out.

All the girl names starting with "Z" are old lady names like Zelda and--well, maybe not "Zoe," but I can't think of a song called, "Zoe." Maybe you and your band should write one...

Here is a list of Rock titles with Z in them--it ain't happening for me.

Oh, wait, "The Zephyr Song" by Red Hot Chili Peppers. That singer always sounds off key to me though. I think Zephyr was originally a goddess. "X" still ain't happenin'; there was a GROUP named "X" that had a chick in it, does that count?

Oh, and for "J" I would have to give honorable mention to "Jennifer Juniper" by Donovan and "867-5309/Jenny" by Tommy Tutone.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Dan: That's a toughy! I am going to need a week on that one . . .

Kadonk: Done. Check the list again.

Jenny: Masturbating really doesn't take up that much time in my day. It's really just the 5 minutes before I go to sleep.

Zen: I knew you'd have some solid input, however, I do believe that the oldies song is called Windy, not Wendy. Either way, it's a fun song.

BottleBlonde said...

I love Foxy Lady by Jimi Hendrix! I imagine they'll be playing it during the soundtrack to my life at my funeral someday.

classyandfancy said...

A few more suggestions:

C- Love some S&G, but how about "Chelsea Girl" by Ride. With lyrics like "Take me for a ride away from places I have known. If I stay around I'll just remember I'm alone" and screeching feedback you can't go wrong.

G- Glad Girls is Great, but I would go with MMJ's "Golden". That's because I'm a sucker for the depressing melodic love song.

I- "Isobel" by Bjork. A beautiful song, although she's singing in the first person and is married to herself. Lady self-love songs are allowed, right?

J- "Jeane" by The Smiths. Okay, this one may just fall in the depressing as hell category, but it's an excellent tune.

P- "Peg" by Steely Dan. You have to have backup vocals by Michael McDonald on your list and a music list without Steely Dan is sacrilegious. Then again, I think you believe the same thing about BBD.

classyandfancy said...

Hilarious & unrelated Word verfication was "YFEARPP". Blogger you are genius.

Youbanks said...

Very very impressive list. I got really nothing to add. Not sure if this is strictly "Rock & Roll" songs, but for "I" you could go with "Iesha" or "Good night Irene" (I like the woody guthrie/Ledbelly version, but there's a J.Cash version that's tight as well)

That's all I got.

ReckenRoll said...

"Anna Begins" by Counting Crows

"Mandy" by Barry Manilow (Come On, She came and she gave without taking? So selfless!)

Love that Darling Nicki and Jane Says are on the list!

This list might help

Drunken Chud said...

what about "brandy" by looking glass i mean, she's a fine girl, what a good wife, she would be. her eyes could steal a sailor from the sea.

ok, for E, i would have chosen "come on eileen" by dexy's midnight runners. i mean, when she wears that dress, my thoughts i confess, verge on dirty. just sayin.

I, would certainly be "the girl from ipanema" while it may not be her name, it was the name they gave her.

oh, rosanna by toto... great song. plus it's about rosanna arquette. i can dig that.

chuckdaddy2000 said...

For J I'd go with Jennifer oh Jenny (De La Soul), although Jane Says is a great choice as well. Foxy Lady seems kind of like cheating, but all I can think is "Take a Load Off Fanny". I'm really glad Su-su-sudio is not on your mix.

Nice list, and I think the "Xena" them song would be awesome, no reason to look anywhere else. You also get major points for Darling Nicki.

tnobes said...

I = Ingrid Bergman

by woody guthrie

The [Cherry] Ride said...

great, great list. But I am concerned by the amount of free time you have.

While I cannot argue the greatness of your choice for "P", one of my favorite P-songs is "Punk Rock Girl" by the Dead Milkmen.

Jenny! said...

Well, you should take more time masturbating then!

Casey said...

Delia? Johnny Cash?

Mr. Shife said...

Frickin' sweet list Doc.
The only song that jumps out right now is Beth by Kiss. It is probably my all-time favorite song by those guys.

captain corky said...

My name is Captain Corky and I'm runnin the show. Good choice with Bell Biv Deove. Now you know.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Bottle: Every woman should be lucky enough to hear such a flattering son on her funeral.

Classy: Is Golden the name of a girl in the MMJ song? That song is a sad one to be sure. Hey, I just watched that new David Duchovny, however you spell it, and I know that's not even close, show on Showtime, and they played the MMJ version of Rocket Man. I was pretty sure I liked the show, but that shit sealed the deal.

Youbanks: I wonder about a guy who suggests both Iesha and Yolanda. Do you have a bit of jungle fever???

Reck: Thanks for the link!

Chudly: I took you up on Brandy. Check it out . . .

Daddy: I really considered Fanny, but I'm not sure what she's all about. I need someone to tell me what that song is all about, because I know every word, and sing them like they're the gospel, but I have no clue what's the haps.

Tnobes: NOBILITY! Thanks for coming by. I'm looking into that song . . .

Cherry: You'll have to burn it for me, and give it to me when we get together to commiserate.

Jenny: Okay. 6 minutes before bedtime tonight.

Casey: I'll have to look into that one for sure.

Shife: I love me some Beth. It crossed my mind. It's hard to take a guy serious when he's singing with whiskers on his mug.

Cork: Thanks, bro. "Yo slick, blow . . ."

Drunken Chud said...

aww shucks. two mentions? heh. take THAT zen wizard!

Fever Dog said...

Yellow Ledbetter is about Ledbelly, the blues singer. But great list :)

MissE said...

That is an impressive list.
For I - I found this one if you're interested:
Called Eustice and Isadore by Admiral Twin. I confess to having never heard the song but the words are interesting...

*MissE runs back into the dark of cyberspace to lurk some more*

classyandfancy said...

Her name may be Golden, I don't know, but let's, for the purpose of this exercise, assume yes!

So Californication is good? Like as good as the Chili Peppers song? I kid.

brookem said...

ha, i love this list.

Scary Monster said...

Me sees a pretty impressive list of songs here, but fer "D" Me would have gone fer another Zappa hit- Dinah mo hum. She and her sister be better than a chilli dog chompin chick.


Sassy Blondie said...

For your S, I like Seven by Prince.

Great list doc!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Chud: Well played, Chudly. When the fuck are you coming to Chicago to drink heavily????

Fever: I made the change, brother.

Misse: I'm glad I brought out a lurker! I just learned that term.

Classy: The show is awesome. Do you have Showtime?

Brook: Thanks for the compliment and thanks for coming by!

Scary: "I whipped off her bloomers and stiffened my thumb, and applied rotation to her sugar plumb." Genius.

Sassy: I love that cut, but I think he's referring to the seven deadly sins. Thanks for coming by!

Legaleagle said...

Doc, I, too, am impressed you came up with the X, Y & Z. It's a pretty good list and you've given me an idea for my next blog.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Legal: Thanks, and I'm glad I could inspire you.

Saladin said...

Bonita Applebum (Tribe Called Quest) deserves an honorable mention, though nothing beats the Mighty Four Tops.

Candy Says (VU) beats Cecilia any day of the week.

Much as I love Freddie Mercury, I gots to go with "Kaya" by Bob Marley and the Wailers for K.

Does "Jimmy's Got A Little Bit of Bitch In Him" by Funkadelic count for J? Or maybe Jenifa Taught Me by De La Soul? Anything beats Perry Ferrel's whiny-ass voice.

Lalena by Donovan (he's got a lot of chick-name songs)is a runner up to Lola. So is Lisa Says by the velvet underground. And maybe Lady Stardust by Bowie.

"Poison" isn't about a girl named Poison, is it?? How about Pamela Jo by Donovvan?

Sharleena is one of the best songs known to man -- good pick! Besides, "Sexy Sadie" was actually about Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Fun post!

Queen of the Savages by The Magnetic Fields is my vote for Q

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Saladin: If you are into early funkadelic and zappa stuff, you are welcome to come back any time. Great pics!

Saladin said...

Ok, ok, one more since I was listening to it today:

"M" -- Marie's The Name Of His Latest Flame (Elvis)

(or, alternately Maria's The Name Of His Latest Flame by El Vez)

Thanks for dropping by my blog, BTW

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Saladin, thanks for coming back, but you have to comment on my CURRENT posts so that I see you!

What it is??