Saturday, May 02, 2009

Have You Ever Thought About . . .

1. I know it's old news, but remember Miss South Carolina in the Miss Teen USA pageant with her incoherent, desperate effort to explain the horrors of the lack of maps in foreign countries? Well, the other day I was thinking about, don't ask me why, how she kept saying "such as," and I was speculating that someone probably coached her to say that every time she had the urge to say the word like because she probably said the L-Word a few zillion times during her run-through responses. Watching it again, there is, in fact, one instance where she starts to say like, catches herself, and then goes to her stand-in, the fail proof such as. Check it out.


2. On our walk to the Cubs game the other night, my buddies and I were talking about the final, really fat days of Chris Farley, and I said, "Remember that last shitty one he did with Matthew Perry, Wagons East? My good friend corrected me, saying that title was John Candy's morbidly obese movie, and I was thinking of Almost Heroes. Isn't it weird that two overweight, very funny, likable actors both had fat guy in the frontier movies that were universally lambasted by critics for their swan songs just before their untimely deaths?


3. Gancey Girlfriend was cleaning her apartment with a do-rag on her head, and I said, kissing her temple, "Hello there, Aunt Jemima." By the end of the night, she was calling herself the pancake icon, too, but then she questioned it, saying that she did not believe the good aunt wore the apparel in question. This morning, reaching into the cabinet, I was shocked to see that my syrup had revealed that Gancey Girlfriend was right: Jemima was staring right back at me sans do-rag. I did the research, and apparently she hung up her rag in 1989. I personally think the old way was better because I'm old school, and if for no better reason than to keep her fallen hairs out of the damn syrup.

What senseless junk have you been thinking about, Seven Readers?

17 comments:

mysterygirl! said...

I think your assessment of "such as" as opposed to "like" is dead on.

And I think they changed the Aunt Jemima logo because the original was based on a racist mammy stereotype. The new Aunt Jemima just looks like your nice aunt who makes you pancakes and wears pretty earrings.

Heff said...

I wasn't thinking about ANY senseless junk 'til I stopped by here, lol !

JerseySjov said...

everything i think is of grave importance.
like last night i spent a good 10 minutes thinking of what booze would be good in orange soda because i found a 2-liter of orange soda and wanted to get drunk. the verdict: give the orange to the freshmen bc they don't know any better and put my 99 berries in their coke.

The Charming Hedonist said...

I've been watching more television lately, and therefore wondering recently how these people who write television shows come up with crazy plots like rabies.

And now, I'm wondering what other cultural icons have been de-do-ragged as the result of attempting to never offend anyone.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mystery: I need an aunt like that.

Heff: Glad I could help! Now this stuff will burrow into your noggin . . .

Jov: Orange soda drinks would probably be pretty nasty, but I'd give it a whirl cause I like the sauce.

Charming: Is there a show where they expose people to rabies and let it reach advanced stages and then put them down like Old Yeller cause that sounds GREAT!

TOPolk said...

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who calls women in do-rags "Aunt Jemima." I like to break out a good "Harriet Tubman" wisecrack every now and then too.

Casey said...

Pointless thing:

Me and a friend were chatting online and she misunderstood something I said (or I may have said it in a rant) for me wanting to beat up every ugly person I saw.

Then I got to wondering what life would be like for a person who made it their vow to beat up ugly people. I dismissed it a while, but I have made up some pretty funny laugh aloud in the shower sort of scenarios in my head.

What would this aesthetic evangelist's childhood have been? How did he ever get so passionate about ugly that he wanted to hurt uglies?

tnobes said...

We should have a drinking night involving watching Wagons East, Almost Heroes, and Neighbors. I think thats Belushi's last. Neighbors doesn't fit but I remember some doors songs on the soundtrack so thats good enough for me.

Zen Wizard said...

I read one theory that "like" was originally of Yiddish derivation--as seen in old 1940's movies where, say, the guy jumps in a taxi cab and says, "Make like a racecar driver and step on it!"

In Germanic languages, "Make like..." is a very ubiquitous phrase. Valley girls appropriated it for plausible deniability: I.e., "I said he was LIKE, 'Let's go to the mall'; I didn't say that was EXACTLY what he said." Anyway that is an interesting if annoying quirk in American language.

Wagons East acutally had some moments--well, it had a moment and a half, at least--I didn't see the other one.

I guess if you are a life insurance underwriter, never underwrite a fat comedian who is doing a Western...like if Artie Lange walks into your office and says, "I need a 150k policy and make it quick...I am due back on the set of. There's Gold In Them Thar Hills, a quaint irreverent family-riented spoof of the classic Forties Western," you should reply, "Maybe we should get you a physical..." They should really train that in insurance school...

I never thought about the hairnet vis a vis Aunt Jemima--I guess, you know, she's your AUNT--it would have been considered just a little germophobic back in my day if your aunt came out in a hairnet and said, "Hey kids I made cookies!" Aunt Bea for instance on "Mayberry RFD" never wore a hairnet--I guess it would have been more realistic if Opie would have said, "What is this nappy reddish gray hair in my soup? Oh no, please not that! This will ruin my rose-colored memories of this buccolic small-town existence for ever!"

radioactive girl said...

That like thing is interesting. After that was all over the news, my daughter started doing the "such as" just to annoy me. (Kids are fun, eh?) But now it has snuck in to her regular talking. Not enough to be completely awful, but enough that whenever she starts to say it, we both crack up. I guess I can just be thankful that she notices it in time to not say it most of the time.

The Charming Hedonist said...

Nah, Doc, I was just catching up on a back episode of CSI. Seriouusly, I would make that kind of show Nielsen Rating worthy!

The [Cherry] Ride said...

I've been wondering why they no longer make/market the Infinite Dress isn't more popular among the ladies. I mean, I would totally buy one if I was a chick.
http://www.infinitedress.com/

(No, I am not being paid to say this.)

BeckEye said...

I think you're probably right about "such as." I say like, like, way too often and I've decided to replace it with "fuckin'."

Think of how much better her speech would have been had she done the same.

Jenni said...

There is no John Candy movie on earth better than "The Great Outdoors." which makes "Wagon's East" completely forgiveable.

Thinking about senseless junk is pretty much my life. Like yesterday when I was trying to mentally assimilate my life with the random pile of cat barf that was on my front steps.

JerseySjov said...

the infinite dress is like that american apparel dress that im always raving about, only mine costs over $100 less...the price of all 3 of my aa dresses combined is less than the price of one infinite dress!

Heff said...

Are we shooting for a "Personal Best" of ONE post a month now ? lol !

Drunken Chud said...

dude, rewatch it. you're spot on, but she actually says like each time just before saying such as. i think she catches herself saying like, then rushes in with a such as. making her sound even more 'tarded.

and cherry... that dress is awesome. i too would buy one if i was a chick.