Thursday, April 05, 2012

Do You Got Guys?

You need "guys," people you go to when you need something done, like your watch fixed or your chimney cleaned.  Even better is when you're middle aged and you've amassed an armada of guys so when someone has a problem you can tell them, "I got a guy for you."

The best "guy" I ever had at my disposal was a mechanic who would fix things out of his house.  His name sounded like a mechanic, but without using his real name, I'll call him Billy Bracket.  I would drop my car off at his place late at night, leave the key in the visor, and every single time he would call me before 7AM to wake me up to tell me something like, "Yeah, Ken?" (in a thick Chicago accent) "I took a look at your car.  It's got a busted alternator."  Then he would quote me something ridiculously low.  All you had to get these fabulous prices was come in and have coffee with him every few tune ups, which I was glad to do because he was funnier than hell.

One time Billy played me an audio tape of him nailing a broad.  Another time a girl came by when he was taking a look at my car, and I swear I heard them call each other "cousin" more than a few times, yet just as she left, while tightening a screw under the hood, he nonchalantly said, "Yeah.  I've been pluggin' her for years."  His cousin?

I'm making Billy sound like strictly a big ol' pervert, which is not the case because these were the only two such cases I came across.  Generally he was a really sweet guy who was a Vietnam veteran with a number of health problems, and he was really easy to talk to.  I hope he is still going strong and still plugging his cousin.  I haven't heard from him in a long time because he was the "guy" of my girlfriend at the time's father, so I had to let him go when she and I parted ways.

An honest mechanic is great to have, especially when you know nothing about cars except where the key goes because they'll rip you off any time they get a chance.  But not Billy; He was the man.  Here's to you, Billy.  Hope you're taking care of yourself and your customers.  My first Bud tonight is for you. 

How about you, Seven Readers?  You got guys?


sybil law said...

"Guys' are essential - it's true. My husband happens to be one of those guys for a lot of car needs, and I have friends in damn near every profession, but I can only name about 3 GUY guys for stuff like you're talking about. However, my husband must know a hundred of them. They run in circles.
Billy sounds awesome. You sure they weren't just calling each other cuz? Cause otherwise - ew.
Also - no - you do NOT have to break up with a guy just because it was related to an ex, and Billy doesn't even sound related. "Guys" are exempt. Too hard to fin the good ones to have to give them up.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Sybil: Your hubby sounds like a good "guy" to know. I appreciate your prompt comments, girl. Shit keeps me going. You're kind of like my blog "guy."

Elliot MacLeod-Michael said...

I work in a chemical plant right next to the motor pool for the cranes, etc and thus I work right next to a bunch of mechanics who work on half a million dollar + pieces of machinery. But the one I got to work on my car, while honest, did pretty shitty work in my humble opinion. Don't stop blogging you're one of the good ones. You just need to network more, nobody knows about you.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Elliot: Thanks so much, buddy. Yeah, I suppose I liked honest and funny so much in a mechanic that I hadn't thought about the whole "good work" thing. I'm trying to network more on Twitter these days, but yeah, nobody knows! When I did the rounds a couple years ago, commenting on like 10 to 15 pages every time I'd post, I did a lot better, but it's hard to find the time. Comments like these keep me going though, dood. Thanks.