Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I was at a party the other night, and there was this insufferable attractive woman with no filter blurting out all kinds of perverted things about herself.  I know what you're thinking, how is this a problem?  Well, she was the type who has no charm or wit so she has discovered that telling us about her boyfriend's big wang is the only way she could hold anyone's attention.

I don't even know how she got onto this next topic, but I'm guessing there was zero segue like all the other things she spewed. She began to tell us about being able to shoot ping-pong balls out of her vagina.  Not because she is a stripper, just because she wants everyone to know what a sexual dynamo and social pariah she is.

Trapped on a cramped balcony with this ding bat for an hour with her attention-seeking behavior led me to blurt out something strange of my own.  "I could shoot those ping-pong balls out twice as far out of my anus."  This rattled her.

"No you couldn't!"  She exclaimed.   "I do Kegel exercises!"   

"So.  I take like three dumps a day.  I have power out of my butt hole like you wouldn't believe.  I would launch those suckers down that whole hallway."
"That can't even be done," she said.

"What's it worth for you to find out?  You go first."


Candy's daily Dandy said...

I'd like to see that.

Hilarious..what a tool.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Yes. She was a total freak show. Me shooting ping-pong balls out of my butt would also be freak show-ish.

Mr. Shife said...

Your scene with this nut bar would have totally made "Balls of Fury" a way better movie. Keep on taking those power dumps just in your new friend takes you up on the challenge. Good story, buddy. Enjoy your weekend.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: Our paths could cross again, and when that time comes, me and my anus will be ready.