Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Jimmy Butler of my beloved Chicago Bulls had the picture below leaked onto the internet.  The first thing you may think is that by wearing this shirt he is summing up all that he thinks matters in life (drugs, his favorite body part of a woman, and what he uses to buy those two), and that would just be awful if he were that shallow.  But let's think of some other explanations.

First off, he responded on Twitter to say that he was sorry if anyone was offended by the shirt, but it matched his shoes.  I'm not making that up.  

Jimmy just isn't good at making excuses, so let me take it from here, Jimmy.

Those are actually their nicknames from when they were growing up, Pussy, Money, and Weed (from left to right).  Weed is in reference to how tall Jimmy grew up as a kid.  Everyone back in Texas was always saying, "That boy is sprouting up like a weed!"  I hit a growth spurt as a kid, and people told me that all the time, so that makes perfect sense to me.

Ladies and gentlemen, from left to right, please meet Pussy, Money, and Weed
Actually, do you want the truth?  Here it is.  Jimmy had to meet his friends out at a bar to celebrate his friend, Pussy's, recent certification to become a certified yoga instructor.  His other good friend, Money, is holding up two fingers to signify that it took two long years of Pussy's time!  What hard work that young man put in!  Now, Jimmy knew that he had to remember to do a few things before he got home that night, and due to some of his recent concussions suffered during a grueling playoffs, he had to print up this shirt to remind him to swing by the store on the way home to pick up kitty litter, $60 in cash from the ATM, and some gardening gloves to pull weeds the next morning for Doris, his aging friendly neighbor.

It was Money's job to have someone take this picture and text it to Jimmy on the ride home, but he accidentally sent it to the wrong friend, Coke, and that guy just can't be trusted with anything (sniff, sniff).


Now, if there are no further questions, please leave Jimmy alone.  And Pussy, Weed, and Coke, for that matter.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Pussy, Money and Weed are the names I'd choose for a black gangster version of 'The Three Musketeers'.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: Terrific idea. They can save America's ghettos! All for one and one for all, and lots of pot, vaginas, and cash!

Mr. Shife said...

You need to be the PR guy for Jimmy, Dr. Ken. Love it. The Bulls need to sign these guys so we can have Pussy and Money coming off the bench. Then watch out when Pussy and Money light it up from downtown. Hot Pussy and Mad Money tearing it up at the UC. Have a good one, buddy.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: Yup. Sign this guy for lots of money and then he can buy as much weed and p-word as he wants.