Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Things I Don't Like Happening At the Gym

Believe it or not, I have encountered all of these in just the last couple of days.

1. A guy two days ago playing "Candy Crush" on his phone while on the crapper.  The fact that he left the sound on incredibly loud makes me think that this was an older guy who didn't know how to turn the sound off of his very own phone that he carries around every day.  I actually went back to my locker on the other side of the locker room and still heard this guy racking up points, and at that point I had to laugh.

2. A guy tonight singing in the shower.  This guy wasn't just casually singing or humming; he was belting it out, putting all his emotions into it, and it still wasn't very good.  It was a soul song along the lines of John Legend, and it sucked.  

No clue what's happening here, but it comes up on Google Images if you search "John Legend + Shower."
3. When you wipe your face hard with the gym towel and it nearly scrapes off a layer of skin, which damn near happened to me yesterday.  One needs to remember to dab the sweat off the face because a hard wipe could leave you looking like Freddy Krueger.

Freddy Fitness?  Shasher-'robics?  Yes!!!!!!
4. Dude today taking selfies with his shirt off in the locker room.  Your physique is very impressive, and I'm sure it's important to you to chart your progress - but that is a glamor shot that you should be doing at home.

And perhaps I'm just tired of these dudes twice my age in way better shape
That's all I got for now, Seven Readers.  Now, if you go to the gym and play "Candy Crush" on the dumper, sing in the shower, wipe your skin off your face with a towel, and take a locker room selfie to cap it off, you're off my blog roll, tough guy.  And I mean that.  : )


Gorilla Bananas said...

I'm sure those acts are pretty irritating, Dr Ken, but surely dudes have done grosser things in the gym? What about farts or dangling wieners?

Andrew said...

I still can't believe people are still religiously playing Candy Crush. I figured it would have gone away more quickly, like Farmville.

Jimmy Fungus said...

Next time someone asks me, "What's your excuse for not going to the gym?", I will just send them this post.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: I have heard some serious farts coming out of the showers. I think they forget where they are for a second. The wieners are everywhere, but men are trained to look up, up, up in the locker room at all times.

Andrew: It could have been any game to be honest with you. I'm just guessing Candy Crush. I know it wasn't Donkey Kong. I know those noises. "ba ba ba ba-da-da-da!"

Fungus Among Us: Yes. Another week at the gym and I'm sure I would have 4 more. At least.

Mr. Shife said...

Thank the fat bassets I don't do those things at the gym. However, I do like to do the helicopter after I get out of the gym shower. Is that cool? Hope you and the future Mrs. Noisewater have a good Valentine's Day.

Cocaine Princess said...

I gave up on Candy Crush awhile ago. I can't get past damn level 14!

PS: Great post!!

Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: The helicopter is really frowned upon, especially if you got me wet like when a basset shakes off the rain water when he comes inside the house. Haha. You crack me up, dude.

Coke: Thanks much. And congrats on quitting the crush. It is an evil time waster. Blogging is way a better use of one's time. God's speed.