Friday, March 30, 2007

Top 3 'I'm Not That Into You' Songs

We often hear about the greatest love songs of all time, but what about the most apathetic sentiments of all time? You know, songs about those people you're seeing, who you certainly don't hate, but you're nowhere near loving them. I think you'll agree that these are three fine choices. So, without further ado, The Gancer brings you the Top 3 'I'm Not That Into You' Songs of all time:

3. Stay by Pink Floyd. In the first verse there is no way to tell that unassuming keyboardist Rick Wright is not into the philly to which he sings:
Stay and help me to end the day.
And of you don't mind,
We'll break a bottle of wine.
Stick around and maybe we'll put one down,
Because I wanna find what lies behind those eyes.


Then the next morning he wakes up and does a total 180:
I rise, looking through my morning eyes,
Surprised to find you by my side.
Rack my brain to try to remember your name
To find the words to tell you goodbye.


I wonder what words he chose to tell her goodbye? I have a good friend, who's fear of commitment and confrontation exceeds even mine, who sets the alarm on his phone to go off in the morning as if it were ringing when he's doing a "road show", so that he can fake a phone call and get out of there. Buddy, if you're reading, you're a sick man, but that's pure genius.

2. Stay With Me by Faces, off of the A Nod Is as Good as a Wink to a Blind Horse LP, which could easily make a top three list of best album titles. This song tells the story of a guy trying to lure a young lady upstairs to read his "tarot cards," which is really code for bumping fuzzies. I've always said, "Would you care to see my painting?" ANYWAY, the narrator then offers the "jezebel" cab fare and use of his "best cologne" if she agrees to not be there in the morning when he wakes up. What a stone, cold pimp!!

1. Saturday Savior by Failure. Yikes! These lyrics speak for themselves:
I'M NEVER GONNA SAY THE WORDS
THAT YOU WANT
I'M NEVER GONNA FEEL THE SHAME
LIKE YOU DO
I'M NEVER GONNA STRETCH MY SHAPE
TO BE WITH YOU
I ONLY NEED YOU FOR A DAY
'CAUSE I ONLY WANNA BE YOUR

SATURDAY SAVIOUR
I CAN BE THAT
SATURDAY SAVIOUR
I WILL BE YOUR
SATURDAY SAVIOUR
I CAN BE THAT IMPOSTER IN YOUR BED
WAKE HIM UP PLEASE

I'M NEVER GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL
THAT YOU'RE SATISFIED
I'M NEVER GONNA FEEL YOUR PAIN
LIKE YOU WISH I WOULD
I'M NEVER GONNA OPEN UP
MORE THAN THIS
I JUST WANNA BE YOUR
I JUST WANNA BE YOUR

I'M NEVER GONNA BREAK APART
QUITE LIKE YOU
I'M NEVER GONNA LONG FOR LIFE
THE WAY YOU DO
I'M NEVER GONNA PUSH YOU OUT
'CAUSE YOUR NOT IN
THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A WHILE
'CAUSE I ONLY WANT TO BE YOUR


Although he's a little harsh, you have to admire how up front this guy is, because it would be worse to lead her on, right? Congratulations, Failure, on placing number one on The Gancer's all-time 'I'm Not That Into You' songs.

Hey, seven readers, do you have any other nominations?

18 comments:

Kadonkadonk said...

Closer by NIN. I'd pretty much do anyone if that song was playing in the background...

Kadonkadonk said...

And then, you know, never talk to them again.

Mr. Shife said...

I Hate Everything About You by Ugly Kid Joe. I think I may have dated myself with that reference. Hope things get better for you and are not so craptacular.

Grad School Reject said...

Automobile by N.W.A. If you don't know it, the lyrics are here: http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/n/nwa2888/automobile367196.html

I'll keep thinking cause I'm sure there are more, but you gotta love how upfront Eazy E, Dre, and Cube were back in the day....you know, the day when they were all friends....and alive (God rest Eazy's soul)

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

How about 10cc's I'm Not in Love:

"I like to see you, but then again,
That doesn't mean you mean that much to me.
So if I call you, don't make a fuss - Don't tell your friends about the two of us.
I'm not in love, no no, it's because...I keep your picture upon the wall. It hides a nasty stain that's lying there."

That's pretty much the definition of I'm just not that into you...

darci ann said...

What a great question! I missed the Gancer. I will have to browse the iTUNES library, but the first thing that comes to mind is some Eminem:

Now I hope you don't get mad at me
But I told Nate you was a freak
He said he wants a slut, hope you don't mind
I told him how you like it from behind

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Kadonk: Good to know . . .

Shife: Great call, but that's more of an outright hatred, and I'm looking for the ambiguous ones.

Grad: I considered lots of gangster rap ones, but those are just brutally degrading, but in a good way.

Carrie: That's the one I had in mind when I came up with the post, and I forgot it! Darnit! I heard it on my ipod today too.

Darci: Why would a girl mind if two friends exchanged that information? Girls compare notes all the time.

Jay said...

It Ain't Me, Babe by Bob Dylan.

aaron said...

For lack of a better song, I'm going to have to go with "Stacy's Mom". Not the mom of course, but the daughter. How heartbroken must she be?

classyandfancy said...

I would nominate:

Ted Leo & the Pharmacists "Parallel or Together"

I'd link the lyrics, but I'm lazy and have had too many Cadbury Cream Eggs.

Drunken Chud said...

dude, i love google. i heard this song months ago and forgot about it. had to find out who and what the song was. it's called "ugly on the inside" by some band named skittish. it's freakin hilarious:

what’s your problem? (can i help out?) what’s your poison? (let’s go pass out)
before the heavens fall, we should share some time.
unfortunately, she can see that i’m not too deep. but she wouldn’t have to worry about drowning. sure, just leave your life-jacket there and come wade with me.
she’s up on a soapbox trying to orate (as spacey as the moon-landing but twice as fake). she ends up accepting my invitation and i pull her close enough to let her know that i’m only ugly on the inside.
i’m only ugly where it counts, or when the lights go down
or i open my mouth and let you in on my thoughts...so let’s forget about it.
dip the bill and its masquerade. i’m a ne’er-do-well in a gold false face.
on any night, she’ll say hello or pass you by.
i still have to admit that i’m drawn to a starlet who’s clad in fashion’s best, filled with feigned interest, and only ugly on the inside.
you see, my friends are poets among thieves. they breeze through this city with the garbage and the leaves. refusing to die slowly,
and good company for a quick poisoning; we’re all ugly on the inside.
(but let’s just forget about it)


if that doesn't just bleed apathy. i don't know what does.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jay: Great call!! He's really trying to tell that chick that he's no damn good.

Aaron: Hahaha! Yeah, passed over for your mom has to be a harsh reality.

Classy: Ted Leo should do a tour with Ted Nugent.

Chudley: I tried to download that cut, but couldn't find it. Where have you been Chud? I was starting to think that dart accident was fatal.

Steph said...

"I'm not here for your entertainment.
You don't really wanna mess with me tonight.
Just stop and take a second.
I was fine before you walked into my life.
And you know it's over.
Before it began.
Keep your drink just give me the money.
It's just you and your hand tonight".

PINK!
BooYa!!

Drunken Chud said...

sorry ken, not sure where you can d/l that clip. i only heard it once on an underground radio show, and then had to google it to figure it out. anyhow, no, non fatal dart mishap, but i have been trying to see how truly drunk i can get, and how consistantly. it's been a long road, but damn it's been a fun one.

ReckenRoll said...

No Dave Matthews fans in the crowd?

"Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tommorrow go back to your man
I'm back to my world
And we're back to being friends"

Although maybe that's a "I'm really into you but just for tonight then piss off"? Maybe a new category?

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Steph: That takes guts to throw Pink into the ring with good bands. I admire that . . .

Reck: That Dave is a little home-wrecker isn't he? I will be one too when I learn how to play more than 5 chords on my guitar.

zen wizard said...

How about that, "I need you tonight/'Cause I'm not sleeping..."
by INXS?

That is pretty apathetic; I mean, I have said that to a dog-eared copy of Hustler and a bottle of Jergen's Hand Lotion.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Zen: That's a great call! I've sang those lyrics so many times, and never put two-and-two together that Michael what's-his-name was singing about a booty call.