Sunday, January 20, 2008

Terms of Endearment

I was in a relationship for five years once, and during that time I thought I had used up every pet-name I could see myself using. This worried me, because I knew I couldn't reuse them; It just wouldn't be right.

However, I blurted out one with my new Special Lady Friend that isn't a viable option for an everyday term of endearment, but it gives me hope that I'll come up with a good one some day.

While it's not going to make it into the rotation, it's too damn funny not to share with my readers, who I think share my sense of humor to some degree, or you wouldn't keep coming back to read about my misadventures. The name is . . .

Miami Sex Machine

P.S.: I did a google search for this new phrase, and nothing came up. So, it looks like The Gancer is the only site with that phrase in its contents and STILL the first site to come up when anyone does a query for "titty bucks." Go ahead. Try it.

32 comments:

Airam said...

Nice ... now do you call her MSM for short in public?

The Charming Hedonist said...

I dig it, Doc. You should call her Miami for short. I love pet names. The best one I've ever been called was Hoover.

JerseySjov said...

wow what did she do to earn that title?
i usually stick with semi-condescending yet motivational pet names like 'chief' and 'big guy'

sequined said...

I get disappointed when I realize that my awesome pet names can't be reused. And that's bad because one of my exes and I were on a major "use them all at once" kick a few years back. You'll have to help me come up with more creative new ones.

Ms. Laaw-yuhr said...

Ah, how much better your name is than empty, unoriginal terms like "sweetie" and "honey".

Like holding hands, I avoiding terms of endearment like the plague, but this I could handle.

Girl in a Guy's World said...

I always end up calling a guy some modified version of his name. Or his last name. I've never been big on the pet names.

Grad School Reject said...

I thought I married the Miami Sex Machine - go figure.

Sassy Blondie said...

Fascinating...but I want to know what SHE calls YOU? ;)

radioactive girl said...

I love these kind of nicknames. The ones that are so different, they are clearly only meant for that person and no one else.

Does she have a clever name for you too?

Michael5000 said...

Wait. Special Lady Friend? Did I miss a post? Or is this like "Special Lady Friend de jour"?

Samantha_K said...

You are so, so inspiring.

Hm...what word combo can I hold the top spot with...let's see then, shall we????

You've given me a mission.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Airam: I think Hedonist is right; Miami is kind of a cute abbreviation.

Charm: Great idea! Wait, The Hoover? Can you suck start a leaf blower, or what?

Jov: Wow, chief and big guy? What about just 'guy?' "How are ya, guy." Those are condescending, but that keeps you in command.

Seq: They can be fun, if done tongue and cheek, right?

Law: Yeah, original ones are good. I've never said deer, hunny, or sweetie.

Girl: Sometimes a variation on the name can be sweet though, like Gancipoo.

GSR: Nice work! Don't let that one get away!

Sassy: I'm not at liberty to discuss that. Nice try!

Radio: I agree. As for your question, see the comment for Sassy.

5000: This one is a little beyond de juor. Things are moving fast, 5000. I'm scared, but it feels right.

Samantha: Glad I could inspire you!

RevRee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RevRee said...

I'm a personal fan of the pet names "sugar tits" and "bong water"

Kadonkadonk said...

Does turtle dick count? I think that's the only one I've ever used on a boy. Surprisingly, he didn't really mind it.

mysterygirl! said...

You're a fast mover, Dr. K. Rock on with your Special Lady Friend. (I also support the suggestions of MSM or Miami for public uses of the nickname).

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

Hmmmm...I have a client/friend who calls me Candy Nipples. No, he has never seen them. I call him Moose Cock, and no, I haven't seen it.

The Charming Hedonist said...

No no, not The Hoover. Just Hoover. I can neither confirm nor deny the allegation about the leaf blower.

zen wizard said...

Just don't call her, "My furry little dick mitten."

If that slips out and she doesn't bolt, however, I think you got yourself a keeper.

As a general rule with pet names, it should be something that she can reply, "No, YOU'RE the ____________!!"

I.e., "Snuggie wuggums." "Snuggle bunny" and "munchkin" are good too. Well, maybe skip "munchkin" if she is a dwarf.

"Dick mitten" only meets the "call and response test" on Brokeback Mountain and in the Castro section of San Francisco.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Rev: Sugar Tits! Love it.

Kadonk: He didn't mind Turtle Dick? Yikes. Did you catch him coming out of a cold pool?

Mystery: "For public uses." Well said, as always.

Chard: Candy Nipples, to the melody of Candy Girl by New Addition? That's how I'd do it.

Charm: That's a confirmation in my book, Hoover.

Zen: Dick Mitten! Classic.

Mr. Shife said...

I once had a gal that I referred to as a cock juggling thunder cunt but she really got embarrassed when I used it in public settings.

5 of 9er said...

I'm not going to try it... I'm afraid of the titty bucks.

zen wizard said...

I think we can safely say that the worst would be the Reaganesque, "Mommie."

I mean, calling your wife that...

A little too Freudian for me.

For some reason, if she calls you "Daddy" it is not as bad.

How about, "My future tax deduction, cohabitant, and species propagator"?

Too clinical??

zen wizard said...

I take that back: "My Little $100,000 Life Insurance Benefit" is probably the worst pet name ever.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

When are we going out for Titty Bucks????

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: I can't see why she wouldn't like that name. It's adorable!

Niner: Fear not the titty bucks. They can be your friend.

Zen: Yeah, the mommy and tax break related names are not too cute. Did Reagan call Nancy "mommy?" That's fucked!! Well, he was so out of it, he may have thought she WAS his mom.

Cherry: Maybe we can go to The Admiral on Super Bowl Sunday for some nude field goal kicking.

Diesel said...

I have this thing where I make up weird nicknames for my wife. I'll call her anything that isn't (1) blatantly insulting, (2) cute, or (3) her actual name.

MSM might be a little too cute.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Diesel: You should call her what Shife said in his comment. Let me know how it turns out.

Steph said...

The more relationships you have the more you'll find yourself reusing pet names. It's just one of those things.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Steph: True, but I really can't reuse this one. That reminds me, Miami is picking me up in a few minutes. I better hop in the shower.

Just Wandering... said...

Hmm Miami Sex Machine? To be honest, it is not the greatest. Though picturing someone screaming that out during sex is highly entertaining ;-)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Just Wandering: You're dissing my pet name upon your first visit? Well, I appreciate the honesty, and no, I don't yell that out to her during "the act."