Monday, October 18, 2010

Darling Vicki

I was briefly dating someone a few weeks ago, before doing the classic, classless Dr. Ken phase out, and at the time, I was helping her brainstorm for costumes. I actually think I nailed the perfect getup for her. Because she is about 5'1", and she sort of looks like a little girl in that regard, I thought she should dress up as Vicki the suburban robot girl built by her father, disguised as a regular girl, despite talking just like a robot, from the God awful 1980's sitcom, "Small Wonder." Only here is the twist: a slutty version, since that is the common twist in Chicago and probably everywhere else.

I thought that Darling Vicki would be the perfect name for this costume since Prince had a song in the 80's called "Darling Nicki" that got on Tipper Gore and her Parent Music Resource Center's list for dirtiest songs, probably because Prince's Nikki was known to "grind" and masturbate to magazines.

So, the outfit would essentially be the red and white plaid Bob Evans dress, only cut down in slutty places, and then a panel in the back where you can open her up and fiddle with her robot parts.

I guess since the subjects of this costume are both very 1980's, it's not very topical in this day and age. I suppose that's why I'm also the type of guy to dress as Johnny Lawrence, the bad guy from Karate Kid, portrayed by William Zabka, the a-hole in just about every movie back then. However, not only do I have a pimped out Cobra Kai gee to wear, but I'm going to grow my naturally blond hair out in the next couple weeks so I can have that piss poor feathered look. I'm not likely to be very attractive in the 2000's with that kind of hair, but it's just too funny not to try to pull that look off.

What are you going to be for Halloween, Seven Readers, or do you have some good ideas to throw out there to the community (of seven readers)?


Vodka and Ground Beef said...

There's nothing about this post I don't like. I love "the Dr. Ken phase out." A lot of guys have that move, but this is an eloquent way of putting it.

As for Vicky the robot girl - I used to watch her every week. Her hijinks with Harriet and Jamie are legendary, so if your lady friend isn't down with dressing as a slutty Vicky, then she's a waste.

Finally, I love " . . . portrayed by William Zabka, the a-hole in just about every movie back then." That's so true. Johnny was never a very sensitive guy. I still have nightmares of teenage boys chasing me in skeleton suits.

I think I'm going to be the Latina version of Nancy Grace, except super slutty. People will love it. I'm taking my small niece and nephew trick or treating, and I hope they love it too.

Andrew said...

A favorite post I read. And somehow I got that stupid snippet of Harriet talking saved on my computer & I HAVE been known to sneak it onto the occasional mix CD. Along with a song from the dog's barking Christmas carols that my mom got me once.

I'm so glad that show is before my time because I hate cutesy children & most sitcoms.

Scott Oglesby said...

I guess because I grew up in the 80’s, that look still does it for me when a woman can pull it off. Huge hair, stirrup pants and ankle boots rock my world.

I want to hear about the phase out. I might need that someday, when I get tired of my wife.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Slutty is the standard for all costumes these days. Slutty nurse, slutty elf, slutty cow girl, slutty indian, etc. It's completely ironic when the kids turn literature classics into slutty costumes.

Slutty Alice in wonderland, Slutty Snow white, Slutty Juliet....

My daughter is going to be Ke$ha this year. What are the chances on that one being slutty??

Heff said...

You hit the nail on the head with this one !!

Just watch the credits roll in any 80's movie, and you'll see it !!

ASSHOLE - William Zabka

Radioactive Tori said...

I am impressed that you would grow your hair out for a costume. That takes dedication.

I have to comment on the slutty costumes. I do not mind them for adults but my daughters are both adult sized and can't find anything that is NOT all slutted up. They are making their own costumes this year because of that. Meanwhile my boys are still little enough to just wear stuff from Star Wars and Harry Potter.

Bill From Gainesville said...

out shopping for a costume for my 14 year old daughter last weekend and luckily she ended up with a Giant, NON SLUTTY, M&M costume.
I am all for slutty woman costumes except for that one girl who is my daughter. -- Oh and also, Fat girls should not try the slutty look either...

Athena said...

As I live in Florida (and extreme SW Florida -- "God's Waiting Room"), my friends and I are going dressed as geriatric super heroes.

I will be Geriatric Super Girl. Her red boots will be red orthopaedic shoes. Her cute little short red skirt will be knee-length, with compression hose beneath. My cape will be stuck in the back of my skirt, but only half-way. I will be nearly as awesome as that fateful Halloween that I dressed up as the Queen of Hearts and was photographed in a Prince Charming/Sophia Petrillo threeway in an alley.

Kritkrat said...

Oh, man. I can't wait to see pictures.

OMG - My word verification is miyagi, I shit you not!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

hey doctor. there's sort of a party at my house. food, desserts, drinks...and I'm dressing up as a 'hooker vampire.'


this is the scary part...I charge $10,000.00 a, you know what I mean...woo!

Mr. Shife said...

Well my Halloween costume has already been posted on the blog so my secret is out. I look forward to seeing photos of you as Johnny Lawrence. And don't forget the body bag.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Vodka: Glad you liked "everything," and keep coming by. : )

Andrew: I'll take one of those mix discs, please.

Scott: That is a good look, and the phase out cannot be done with a wife. Or can it . . .

Candy: I LOVE the idea of a slutty Alice in Wonderland!

Heff: Yes, Scott as "THE Asshole."

Radio: Don't buy slutty costumes for the kids. Good idea.

Bill: I support slutty fat girl costumes. Hahaha!

Athena: Geriatric Super Girl? Solid . . .

Donk: Are you serious? That was really the word verification? That's scary . . .

Spikey: 10k? Wow. That's a high price working girl.

Shife: Get 'um a body bag, Johnny!!!!!