Tuesday, January 04, 2011

The Night of the Horrendous Beer Tasting

A few weeks ago, a good friend of mine, The Locust, went out to Delilah's here in Chicago to celebrate the birthday of The Uncle, who is not my uncle, but my Heterosexual Life Partner's (HLP) Uncle. <----- That's sounds confusing, but trust me: It all makes perfect sense.

We got there really early because The Uncle and his buddies had around 3 other stops before they were going to get there, so The Locust and I decided to do an impromptu beer tasting of a few of the 100 winter beers that they were featuring. When we asked the bartender which ones were good, he told us that he is not a fan of winter brews, and we should have taken that as a warning to try something else. Instead, we suffered through some of the crappiest pints of dark, demon piss we have ever had to wince through and choke down in all our storied years of beer drinking. We needed a spitoon, or at least we could have had the good sense not to finish them all. But, sadly, he and I both have a problem with leaving unfinished pints on the bar. Here are the results, complete with a rating on a scale of 10:

Anchor Christmas, 2003:
- Dr. Ken's Rating: one.
- The Locust's Rating: one.
Comments: "It tasted a bit like a vinegary ass."

Bells Christmas Ale, 2010
- Dr. Ken's Rating: initially I rated it a four, but then after tasting how bad the other ones were, I gave it a seven.
- The Locust's Rating: 8
Comments: "This one was sort of refreshing after suffering through all those weird ones, but it's still not all that great."

Lakefront Holiday Spice, 2010
- Dr. Ken's Rating: 4
- The Locust's Rating: 5.5
Comments: "Don't ever get a beer with "spice" anywhere in the title. Is that curry in there? Holy hell, is that ever bad!?"

Winterkoninske, 2006
- Dr Ken's Rating: 3
- The Locust's Rating: 3
Comments: "This one had a beautiful winter scene on the bottle, but it tasted anything but beautiful. It leaned toward that vinegar taste of the previous one, but not quite as ass-like; but still pretty awful."

Newholland Ichabad Crane, 2010
- Dr. Ken's Rating: 4
- The Locust's Rating: 3
Comments: "This one was on tap, and it was incredibly flat, which ordinarily would be a problem. However, after all these horribly strange-tasting brews, a flat one was just fine."

Pabst Blue Ribbon, 2010 but won the Blue Ribbon a million years ago in 1893.
- Dr. Ken's Rating: 10!
- The Locust's Rating: 10!
: "I have never been so happy to have a beer that tastes like a beer, even if it's still not all that good. Wow. Best two bucks I ever spent!"

Epilogue: Winter brews are not good and a little evil, actually, but stepping into a cozy and warm hole in the wall on a cold and blustery Chicago night is always a good idea.


BeckEye said...

PBR. You guys is FANCY.

Andrew said...

Just thinking about PBR being the best of the bunch is so discouraging, though I understand the dilemma. Winter beers really aren't very good at all.

At least it wasn't Natty Lite. I'd rather be sober than drink that filtered piss.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Beck: Yeah, I would never drink that by choice, but the most "beer tasting" of beers just sounded terrific then, even if I'd be on the crapper all the next day.

Andrew: Hey! That was a very well-written comment, young man.

Kadonkadonk said...

You need to try Alaskan Winter! It's the only winter I like. Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GANCER!!!

Mr. Shife said...

I really think you should pitch the vinegary ass as a tagline to the beer maker. I just stick with The High Life. Miller has treated me well, and if I get adventurous I might have a Fat Tire but I will pass on all that other stuff. And definitely do not think I am missing much after reading your reviews. Hope you had a great birthday. Take care.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Donk: Thanks, Donker! Good tip and thanks for b-day wishes.

Shifer: Thanks, Shife! I'd love to have a beer with you sometime, even a vinegary ass one.