Monday, August 21, 2006

Enter the (Komodo) Dragon

I went to the Shed Aquarium the other day with my sister and my nephews. I’m trying to do a bunch of fun, little activities during the week before I have to go back to my real job. They have a lizard exhibit in town, which includes the infamous Komodo dragon. The komodo in Chicago did not move a muscle while we there, despite the ENORMOUS area he had to run around in. However, the video above him showed two of them wrestling on their hind legs. They are fricking huge, and they do, in fact, look like f’ing dragons. The video also informed me that they can hunt and kill a DEER, and then proceed to eat the mothafucka HOOVES and all. They showed a feeding frenzy with like 10 of them going to town on some sort of carcass, and I couldn’t help but think that even Chuck Norris himself would be in trouble if he found himself in the middle of THAT.

If you ever find yourself on the island of Komodo, my advice to you is say a little prayer like Dionne Warwick. You’re not safe on the ground, cause they’re fast. Trees are out cause they can climb those. The water is out too, cause they’re really good swimmers. I’m starting to see why Billy Bob Thornton is deathly afraid of them:

Bizarre actor Billy Bob Thornton wants the world population of the endangered komodo dragon to be killed off. Thornton is petrified of the reptiles, one of which crushed the foot of Sharon Stone's husband Phil Bronstein last year. Billy Bob says, "More than anything on this earth, more than any being that exists, they are the creature that represents evil. If it were up to me, I'd just go to that island and kill them all. I would just shoot those sons of bitches." The actor says he once had a dream the creatures infested his house and woke up his wife Angelina Jolie, insisting they go to a hotel because his dream was so real.*


Well, this is coming from the same guy who has a fear of antique furniture, but they are damn scary. Billy, if you’re reading, pack your bags. We’re off to Komodo to “shoot those sons of bitches.” YEEEEEEH HAAW! Hey, America, I mean 7 readers, what animal do you fear, or better still, think should be eliminated from God’s green earth?

19 comments:

Cherry Ride said...

Couple things:
1) I have trouble with blogger on a weekly basis.
2) I too recently went to the Shedd and was astounded at HOW EXPENSIVE it is to get in nowadays - like $25 a pop. Outrageous!
3) More than any other creature, more than snakes or spiders, SCORPIONS scare the living bejesus out of me. Those things are evil incarnate.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Cherry:
1. I changed browsers and got my pics running. Firefox is my shit! Works like a champ.
2. My sister is a member, so it was free, and we got to skip line!
3. Scorpions are nothing nice. But who should be killed off, the species or the band? The band blows, I admit, but I recently rediscovered the song Still Loving You. Awesome.

classyandfancy said...

I would have to say koala bears, eucalyptus eating bastards will kill you in an instant with numchucks, which I came to find out is a variant of nunchaku. Oh, the things I learn these days!

And another thing, the Scorps have more than one good song . . . c'mon.

classyandfancy said...

Another thing,that Dionne Warwick pic . . . umm . . .a bit scandalous. My word!

Steph said...

Snakes and Spiders.
That is all.

Cherry Ride said...

That song "Winds of Change" is, like seriously one of the best songs - ever! (Up until this very moment I've never made those feelings public.) Damn you Gancer!!

PS - does anyone ever call you James Westfall? And does Gancing actually work for you as a legitimate way to pick up chicks?

Loudlush said...

Hyenas. They look weird as all get-out and are nasty bastards as well. And lazy.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Classy: Yeah, Koala's have been riding that 'cutest of the bears' thing for too long. Their time has come . . . I am loving the Dionne Warwick painting. I find that the best thing about blogging is finding the goofy pictures.

Steph: TWO different species to wipe off the planet. Bold.

Cherry: You are the first person to comment on where my blog name derived from. No, I don't get James Westfall, but I do occasionally get The Octagon. Yes, gancing has been known to work for me. I ask you to revisit the gancing post . . . http://thegancer.blogspot.com/2006/01/gancing.html

Loud: You must have been laughed at by a hyena in your past, and now it's payback time!

jmeped said...

Clowns.
Nosey neighbors.
The nosey neighbors kid.
4 ft tall hairy guys that think you want them.
oh, we're talking about animals? Ok, Salimanders! I can't even type it without shuddering.
Speaking of clowns, I got here via Mr. Dykerson. Hope you don't mind.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

JM: Mind? More the merrier. I found Dykerson's site through revree's site, who I found through someone else. Dykerson is funnier than shit. Keep an eye out for him people.

Salamanders, huh? I agree, the word itself is kind of gross.

laura said...

spiders eat other insects. my vote is for them to stay.

i could do without possums. if you were to ever lock eyes with one at the end of the driveway like i have, you'd back my choice. and one of those bastards almost ate my cat once. of course, my cat is completely delusional about his place in the animal world as he usually goes after animals eight times his size.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

The possom is our nation's only marsupial. Also, check this out: ". . . the male possesses a "double pronger," or less euphemistically, a forked penis, that sends sperm swimming in pairs, one for each uterus. The male's unusual equipment, made the more so by its bluish-purple color, fathered the myth that opossums mate through the nose of the female, who then, after waiting two weeks, sneezes the young into her pouch."

A blue, double pronged penis? We have to keep this animal around.

mysterygirl! said...

I can't think of a good purpose for rats, so let's abolish 'em.

laura said...

I just threw up in my mouth (a little bit) upon reading your reply. Thanks, Gancer!

Nonetheless, I see your point and I change my vote to rats.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mystery: Rats is is!

Laura: Okay, so let it be written, so let it be done. Death to rats, and spare the possom and their messed up dicks.

RevRee said...

#1 you crack me up

#2 big dragons scare me

#3 Can I add you to my bloggers list?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Rev:
1. Thanks
2. I think we're not alone on that, Rev.
3. I'm going to add you too!

Loudlush said...

Ah, all is revealed. Who needs regressive memory therapy when one has the good Dr. Now if you could just explain my garden hose phobia...

Cherry Ride said...

I know that you have a life and all, but WTF? No new entry since Monday?