Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Lollapalooza: 3 Days of Music and Short People

Okay, at long last, I’m going to sit down with my hot chips and my liter of Diet Pepsi, and I’m going to bang out a blog. I’m very bent about the promotion for free ring tones being over on the cap of this Diet Pepsi. Alas, I had to pay for Everything She Wants by Wham! to chime in when someone buzzes me. Don’t ask me why I picked that song. So, on to the topic at hand . . .

Lollapalooza, holy crap, that didn’t come up on spell check, was in town over the weekend. Have you seen the line-up? Despite the fact that almost all of my favorite bands were at this thing, for a myriad of reasons, I still couldn’t bring myself to buy tickets.

While working at Navy Pier I could hear the show faintly. I distinctly heard The Violent Femmes as well as Gnarles Barkley. After work I pedaled over to the show and watched what I could see of The Flaming Lips through the back entrance. They were the perfect band for peeping in on because I could see the fuzzy, animal suit people jumping around and the enormous inflatable Santa bouncing to the music. As I was rocking to the set on my bike, a girl handed me an Adidas sweatband, which I promptly put on my head. Where I was positioned turned out to be ideal for people watching. These guys on all terrain golf carts were driving V.I.P.’s around the enclosed area from one end of the stage to the other. I saw the singer from Gnarles Barkley and Matt Pinfield from MTV get rides, and they are both tiny, little, gnomes. I would never want to live in L.A. because I think it would be disheartening to spot all these famous people and see that they are no taller than Emanuel Lewis from Webster. Two different professional photographers took photos of me; I guess to document that there was a weirdo with a headband, sitting on his bike, trying to get something for free.

On Sunday my friend Brendan called me up and offered me two, free V.I.P. passes, which, for a very high fee, allow you to eat and drink all you like, all day. I got off work at 6 and Queens of the Stone Age went on at 6:30, so I had to run my ass around the lake, and over the river to the entrance, which turned out to be the wrong entrance, since my buddy with the passes was at the OTHER entrance. So I RAN my ass all the way around the stadium in my Chuck Taylor’s, and I have to go on record now and say those shoes, while they are very stylish, offer ZERO support. When we got into the stadium, my buddy went off to see Wilco, and me and my swollen feat made our way to the other stage to see Queens. I got myself a fruity, frozen drink for free and settled in for some rock. A beer is a far more manly libation to enjoy when you’re ‘raising the goblet of rock,’ but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t a refreshing cocktail on a balmy, Chicago night. The band was great, but I was hating on the moshing and crowd surfing. The latter ends with an idiot surfing to the stage, getting escorted around the side, then this asshole thinks he can barrel his way past me back to his friends. Mosh pits I don’t like because I can’t watch the band while keeping my eyes peeled for stray elbows. One idiot did fall down and hit me in the shin, which I was not happy about. I think my disdain for the pit was evident, and they eventually stayed clear of me.

My cohort and I opted to meet up, stay in the V.I.P. lounge, and drink our way through the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It was pretty far away from the stage, but the free booze was too tempting. The other option was watching staple surgery poster boy John Popper and Blues Traveler, but I’ll hold out for next summer when they split a Ribfest bill with Eddy Money.

On our way into the V.I.P. lounge entrance, we saw a guy dressed in all white with black eye makeup trying to reason with the staff to let him in. It was bazaar because he looked at me like he knew me, and I looked back at him since I was pretty sure I knew him. I thought maybe I went to high school with him, but then it occurred to me that it was Jared Leto, who I WATCHED go to high school on My So Called Life. As it happens, his shitty band played a no doubt shitty set at Lollapalooza. Ladies, I’m sorry to break this to you, but while he does have captivating eyes, he too is a gnome, hobbit, or some other form of hafling. I remember thinking, “Hey Jared, you keep trying to argue with these folks. I’m going to go inside and have myself a couple of girly drinks, because I’m a V.I.P. and you’re not. And, oh yeah, your acting career is floundering, your band is getting horrible reviews, and you’re short.”

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi, I saw your comment on the Daily Dump. I remember Armaedes (I can't bear to call him Dirk, it's stupid; not that Armaedes is much better) saying that he was going to quit blogging at the end of July, but I have no idea why we now end up at that lame guy's blog...

Cherry Ride said...

What was with that white outfit? Lord, he is sooo lame.

classyandfancy said...

"Somebody tell me (won't you tell me), why i work so hard for you (to give you money) . . ooh!" That line is precisely why you love Wham. That and Andrew Ridgeley being the bee's knees (or maybe going down on his knees).

Being girl drink drunk was probably the only way to survive Anthony Kiedis' oh yeah-ing. No pyrotechnics, no "Under the Bridge", are you serious, really are you for real?

~d (tilde) said...

DUDE! I so want to go to the VooDoo Fest But I am just not 19, 23 or even 27 anymore. I am not sure I can blow the money and an entire day...dude. I don't know. I even considered taking my KID so I'd have an excuse to go!

Now that is BAADDD. My kid is 6.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

anon: That guy was funny as hell. He will be missed.

Will: He had the self-important rocker attitude, yet he lacked the credibility of someone who actually made good rock music.

Classy: Maybe Andrew Ridgely could have spiced up the Chili's set.

D: I saw people at Lolla with their kids and I thought it was really cool. Just don't sing songs about your kids. Have you ever heard a song about someone's kid that didn't come off lame as all get out?

Mo said...

Dr. Kenneth, I beg to differ. Stevie's 'Isn't She Lovely?' is a most excellent song about his daughter. I won’t have you tell me otherwise.

laura said...

Jared Leto lost his appeal to me when he talked about his lemonade fast on a late night talk show. He also looked like he hasn't showered or washed his hair in the last 10 days.

Steph said...

Mosh pits are a bizarre form of hell. Why anyone would want to be in one is beyond me.
You as a VIP though, that's comedy gold. ;)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Mo: You're right. Isn't She Lovely is an exception to that rule.

Laura: Lemonade fast? Why did he think that would make interesting talk show banter? He is brutal.

Steph: Moshing is stupid. It's like, didn't you pay to watch a show? You can get together with your friends and slam into each other in your suburban backyard, so don't fucking bump into me again you snot nosed punk!

~d (tilde) said...

Dr. Noise: I cannot think of a sinble Rage against the Machine song that holla-s abt their children. Now I think Suzanne Vega did it-but her kid was abused. Not a fun topic.
Thank you for passing by my place the other day!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Did Suzanne Vega sing My Name is Luca?