Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Come On Down . . .

. . . and check out this thing I wrote about the Price Is Right. I'd love it if you commented on there too.

If you'd like to comment here instead, then you have to say something about some of the observations I have made after watching four episodes of The Hills. This is proof positive that I can sit through any piece of crap and find something I find interesting or funny. Whether anyone else finds it funny or interesting, well, that's what I'm about to find out . . .

1. I always heard that Heidi is the biggest bitch, but Lauren is way worse. Heidi just looks like a bigger bitch. Lauren's a sneaky, manipulative, hooch with every girl around her, much like a popular girl in middle school. Why nobody wants to hang out with Heidi has less to do with her being a bitch, and more to do with Lauren turning people against her and Heidi's boyfriend being so incredibly deuchey.


2. I know the show is semi-scripted, but is it possible Spencer is that big of a beat-off? I mean, really. I've met some tool sheds in my day, but come on!

3. Why does Audrina seem so sedated all the time? It's like someone shoots her up with horse tranquilizers. That's more of a question I'm asking all of you. Also, why in the hell does she want to be friends with Lauren after being manipulated so many times? Why would she continues to let a friend have that much control over her at her age? Is it the horse tranquilizers that make her so vulnerable?

4. In the last episode, while the chick who usually wears the Pocohantas braids was going on a date with one of her supposed friend's recent exes, the recent ex says, only a few moments into the dinner date mind you, "So, what are you doing after this?" Isn't that overplaying your hand a litte there, sir? Isn't that a little bit like, "do you think maybe we should play hot dogs and donuts after dinner?" I mean, you just sat down, sir!

I could go on like this, really, I could, but why don't you just head over to the Price Is Right thing . . .

10 comments:

TOPolk said...

The Hills? Really. I made it through about half of the first bullet point before I thought to myself, "Yeah...let's check out that Price is Right thing."

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

Dude sorry, but I couldn't read this post. Just the thought of that show gives me a headache, and I also heard it lowers your IQ by 20 points for every 7 mins of it you watch. Trust me that's scientifically proven

tnobes said...

Good god swanny, I can't believe you would post such rubbish. I am officially revoking your doors listening license, I will find a way to enforce it, believe me. Any literary cred you had has now vanished, why dont you start buying popup books. What happened to you man? Sorry, I guess I just expected a little more from a varsity letterman. However, since the subject was broached. Can you believe that Stephanie went out with Doug while Lauren was in Italy OMG!!!!!

Zen Wizard said...

Everybody is talking about this show, but after my numerous financial troubles--caused by me being a bonehead dipshit--I just got the basic channels on Comcast like the basic network crap and I think the dude threw in like Spike TV and the Speed Channel.

Apparently, at least the CABLE GUY doesn't think I'm a gay guy...because he gave me just the macho shit.

I wish I could watch this show--is it, like, on DVD at Blockbuster?

Everyone is talking about this show and I don't want Generation Y people to think I don't get their veiled cultural references ten years from now--

That already happened by me being too busy being an alcoholic in the Eighties and missing cultural touchstones like Star Wars and "Family Ties." I mean, Generation X'ers are always saying things to me like, "Okay, Obi-Wan Kenobi!" and I don't know if I'm supposed to politely chuckle or punch them or what...

Kadonkadonk said...

The Price is Right link didn't work for me. Sadcakes. So instead you get my limited knowledge of The Hills. I have seen a few episodes, and you are dead on in my opinion. Lauren is a melodramatic prude bitch. But if you hang out with her you get to be on MTV and possibly have your own spin off some day, so shoot up with whatever it takes to get you through the day and slap that fake ass smile on your face, Audrina!!

Kadonkadonk said...

Hey Gancer, the second Price is Right link worked, so I lied. Your cute. ;)

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you are watching that show! I'm going to kidnap you and bring you out . . . in the cool exciting suburbs. Yea, watch The Hills.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Polky: Hey, thanks for registering over at Starpulse and commenting. I sure hope you read my pro wrestling article.

360: Oh, I feel those IQ points dropping, but it feels so good . . .

NObes: Hahahahhaha! I KNEW you watched. You're like Jerry watching Melrose.

Zen: Would you PLEASE post some stories from the 80's when you were an alchoholic? You tell a good story, and I'm sure there are some doozies to tell.

'Donk: Thanks for being resilient and finding that link. I fixed the first one. They both work now.

Anon: Who is this? Might this be Grenade Jumper?

Drunken Chud said...

mathew j. swanson?

does the j stand for "justpimpin'"?

katrocket said...

This is great. I don't want this show, but I would definitely watch a show of you reviewing this show.