Tuesday, December 29, 2009

You KNOW Who Charlie Is, You Dim Witted A-Hole, Always Falling Ass-Backwards Into Money . . .


For some reason I was thinking about the Vietnam scenes in the 1994 film, Forrest Gump, specifically when Forrest narrates something to the effect that they were always looking for some guy named "Charlie." Now, I know he's mentally challenged, but I just can't believe that a guy couldn't know that Charlie was a term for all the guys they were trying to kill and not just one dude they were spending months or years trying to find. If the guy could run a shrimp business, become the best ping-pong player in the world, and raise a kid, surely he can figure out why it is they were in Vietnam - to kill people. If he didn't kill anyone and couldn't figure out something that easy, he would not have come home with just a bullet in his butt - he would have been dead.

Sure, I'll believe he could randomly meet every President and most every noteworthy person in his lifetime.

Yeah, I'll believe a mentally retarded kid from rural Alabama inadvertently taught his house guest, Elvis Presley, how to dance.

I have no problem believing that he could run for days and days straight across the country without his nipples bleeding off, his thighs burning red hot, and straining every muscle in his body.

But, what I will not believe is that any kind of idiot could have fought a foreign war without knowing the slang term for the bad guys they were trying to shoot. No. I just won't believe that. You're a helluva actor, Tom, but Dr. Ken is not buying that one.

5 comments:

Kadonkadonk said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kadonkadonk said...

Seriously? Thats your big beef with Mr. Gump? Why do you hate retards so much?

Michael5000 said...

Oh, man, no you've gone and ruined that crappy movie for me!

Jenni said...

I have a hard time believing he had sex with and married a sexually promiscuous, HIV positive heroin addict and walked away scott free. Now THAT'S dodging a bullet.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Donk: Yeah, little things bother me sometimes, which is probably why I'll die an early death.

5000: Sorry . . . Well, at least the soundtrack is goo.

Jenni: Hahahaha! Terrific point. I always thought he dodged a bullet there too!