Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Whiskers, Sandblast, Henley, and the Yolk

Pop Quiz: Those are all terms in what genre?

If you said nicknames of players on the '78 Yankees, great guess, but no.  If you guessed highly perverted sex acts, you might be right, but I am sure that they are fashion terms.  I learned this a couple of weeks ago when Oates, Bobby Choo-Choo, and myself were spinning records and sipping beers at my place after a long night of sipping loudmouth soups.  Choo-Choo was commenting, and not at all in a gay way, how put together Oates is with the way he dresses and grooms himself.  As a matter of fact, Choo-Choo was looking for Oates to be his fashion guru of sorts.

I was more just laughing at the odd shift in conversation from sports and women and things to fashion advice, but Choo-Choo was really hitting up Oates for every bit of fashion advice he could get.  For example, Choo-Choo commented how the lines on Oats' jeans that  go from the crotch out to the end of the thigh not just when he sits down but even when he was standing.  "Oh, you mean the whiskers?" our fashion guru asked.  Then he asked what that fading effect is, the discoloration, and it turns out that is the sandblast.  Then it was asked if one should ever wear a t-shirt under your button up, and Oates responded with an emphatic "no way."  His tanned chest is always exposed, but he did say that what you can do when it is cold is wear a Henley underneath which can be buttoned down so that it doesn't show.  When he pulled his shirt back to tell us about Henley, Choo-Choo and I lost our shit because the only Henley we know about is Don Henley who sang Eagles songs from behind his drum kit.

However, we laughed the hardest when he told us what the taint of the jeans is called.  What you call the grundle, gooch, or scranus of the denim.

It is called the yolk.

Glad that Oates, one of my finest constituents, could educate you today.  Now, some classic Don Henley as sung by two guys I'm sure that you know:


Mr. Shife said...

Well you do learn something new every day, and I thank you Dr. Ken for the knowledge you dropped on me today. I can't wait to let people know about the yolk. Have a good one buddy.

sybil law said...

Awww - I feel like you posted this for me!
Even though you probably didn't. I have seen it before, anyway. Dick. Geez.
Anyway, I didn't know about the yolk part. I go straight to thoughts of unfertilized eggs and stuff.
Man, I may never go near a taint again. All your fault.
P.S. guys look sexy in henleys.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: Mrs. Shife will love the yolk like she loved "duecher."

Sybil: I need to get me a Don Henleys with winger coming. And then inject cocaine into my butthole.

bschooled said...

From now on, I will be referring to my ex-boyfriend as "Scranus of The Denim".

bschooled said...

It worked!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

bschooled: Oh thank heavens! You have cracked the code of my comments section. Your ex was a real yolk sack of a man, eh?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Wait, I don't think I even consciously chose this video for Henley the shirt and Henley the singer connection. Wow. Scary blogging accidental witchcraft.