Friday, October 23, 2009

White Meat and Beheadings


1. I was talking to a Black friend of mine (I only mention that he's black because it pertains to the story), and he was telling me some great stories, as he often does. One story today involved a guy he knew back in his old neighborhood who was as big as a house, but he talked like a girl, like Michael Jackson, or as this buddy of mine described him, "like he had ten pounds of sugar up his ass." But, if anyone said anything at all about him talking funny, he'd beat them into next week, or as my boy said, specifically, "he'd beat you down to the white meat." I was rolling at that line.

2. The other thing I want to discuss, and this is going to make it into next week's open mic performance, is King Henry VIII and all those beheadings. Can you imagine that? He would have the last word in every argument, and that would be pretty cool because women wouldn't dare push him too far, right? "Oooh, you sure you want to go there? You know, I'm going to have my boys get out the guillotine to chop some cloves of garlic. You know, just to make sure it's still nice and sharp." Something tells me that would get her to change her tune. But, I was wondering if he ever got Beheaders Remorse, like he'd be thinking, "oh yeah, her, she was really cool. I wonder what she's doing these days? I should look her up, uh, no, wait, I cut that bitch's head off years ago." Is any of that funny? I'll flush it out for some funny shit . . .

5 comments:

JerseySjov said...

well not to be a pedant here, but he only beheaded 2 of them... theres a little rhyme about it:
divorced, beheaded, died
divorced, beheaded, survived

wow, weird, my word verification is one letter off from being my first name...

JerseySjov said...

but re: the beheadings... i mean i guess that would make it a little worse if he bumped into one of the divorcees "...didnt i order your head cut off? no? i didnt? oh, well...great to see ya!"

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jovy: I like that little trick for remembering that shit! You act like beheading two wives is not that good! I'm still impressed.

JerseySjov said...

imo the more important thing is that he invented divorce, but still decided to behead those 2.
maybe the paperwork just got too tedious for the king.

HeatherLynn said...

I work for an attorney, so I know all about that tedious paperwork...I can see where as ruler and king, might just be easier to say "off with their heads..."

and DKN ~ I do like the whole idea of "I wonder what she's up to"...because who hasn't done that a time or two....

relatability is a must in hilarity.

~hl~