I have my second stand-up open mic gig in only a few hours, and I feel a little weird getting up in front of people and talking about gag reflexes, incest, veiney curved wieners, and dirty talk. Sure, on this blog, I've talked about things like queefs and that thing where your pee splits in two streams, but in front of people is a whole other matter.
I swear that I have no intention of being a shock jock like Andrew Dice Clay* or something. Hell, I don't even have aspirations of being famous at all. My sole intention is to conquer the stage fright so I feel justified telling actors what to say and how to say it front of people - can't do that without having the nuts to get up there myself. This particular routine just kind of snowballed, and yes, it's a little gross - but funny (I hope). The trick is, can I be as funny as I am in the bathroom mirror with the microwave timer set in the kitchen for 5 minutes as I can be in front of the crowd.
Wish me luck . . .
*Searching for "Dice" pictures was a little depressing in that four out of five were the good-looking version from the 1980's, and then every fifth one was the current bald and fat version, one of which seemed to be a candid of him eating not one but two slice of pizza and a regular coke. Ah, hell. Here it is: