Monday, November 23, 2009

Don't You Hate It When Your "Ant" Comes to Visit?

My kitchen has ants. It was only a matter of time with five dudes at a time living in this joint for centuries, but even if it was all too predictable, it's still disgusting, unnerving, and annoying.

My one roomy is going to buy something that worked when she had ants in her car (huh?): you leave this shit out, the ants gather it up thinking it's food, bring it back to their nest, and they all kick the bucket. I love that concept because only one or two come out at a time, so we need to infiltrate somehow, and this is the only way. We need an ant on the inside . . .

I got thinking about this one ant who brings back this bad, bad shit. Maybe you have been to a party, brought some taco dip you left in your car an hour or so too long and some people got the shits. That's a dick move, but did everyone die? Did thousands of ants (people, whatever. I'm confusing myself) die??? That ant has to feel like a real bone head - just before he bites it.


HeatherLynn said...

Yeah, I would feel pretty crappy doing that....

nothing worse than being the one person who lead to the demise of hundreds maybe thousands....even if you are an ant.

Funny ant ex-roommate, was scared to death of ants. we had ONE...ONE! well one at a time anyway. He was so flippin freaked out by it, he called me out of work and asked me to come home and kill it!? then he called me the next morning to ask me if i saw any before i left for work, and told me he had nightmares ALL night about it!

i was like...ummm...dude...they are ANTS! Not jumbo size sewer rats!



BeckEye said...

I've always really hated ants. Their disgusting little bodies and the knowledge that they probably walked through mounds of shit before walking across the kitchen counter make me want to puke.

But ever since I've lived in NYC, I've discovered a greater enemy. You don't know real nausea until you have to deal with roaches.

JerseySjov said...

ugh ants are pretty awful, but they're among the easiest to get rid of.
we had fruit flies in the kitchen over the summer and that was a huge ordeal. and ants dont poo all over the place like mice, or puke in the living room like kittens.

that's funny though, being that douche ant who brings the poison back.

Jenni said...

I'm with Jersey on the whole fruit fly thing...Nightmareish.

We have ants.Iin the bathroom are the carpenter ants, and in the kitchen are the tiny little sons of bitches that can escape through miniscule cracks in the wall. They're brilliant.

We use the poison and it works for about 6 months or so...Do they regenerate or something? You'd think if you were an ant that stumbled upon an entire colony of your dead counterparts you'd take that as an acceptable warning and flee the scene.

But then again, maybe they're not as smart as we think...

Heff said...

I prefer the comical, instantaneous affect of spraying them with WINDEX. Ammonia is a motherfucker.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Lyn: That guy sounds like kind of a puss! Hahaha

Beck: Yes. Roaches are hands-down grosser. I want no part of those little bastards, so I guess i could have it a lot worse.

Jov: Fruit flies. Is it wrong I always think of them as gay bugs?

Jeni: The bastards! I'm just leaving these poison jobbers out at all times. Carpenter ants. Plumber ants, whatever. I hate them all.

Heff: You would, sick fucker . . .