Thursday, November 19, 2009

That Ottoman Got Worked!

I know this Youtube video is super old, but these stupid ottoman fuckers just popped in my head.

I like the first guy, Relentless, telling us that the other four are in the back getting ready, but he's impatient; he just has to start tappin' that ottoman ass!

Next, it's "your boy X2C" (pronounced ecstasy, somehow), and he is about to show us what he's got, while Relentless dismounts the thoroughly humped ottoman, taking his shirt off not so smoothly as it catches on his head, and then he rolls his belly in-and-out like Wayne in Waynes World. That's frickin' hot!

Then comes the fella with my favorite name, Pipelayer, who can't wait to get a piece of that sweet ottoman ass, at which time Relentless exits stage left, and X2C sits on his rear end, awkwardly making air butterflies with his legs and pelvis. What I like about Pipelayer is he's not conventional and doesn't follow trends; notice how he humps in the opposite direction of the other boys. So, would that be the ottoman's mouth?

And along comes Pressure, who has a solo act just after Pipelayer falls off the fornicated furniture and leaves, and X2C clumsily crawls out of frame.

Satisfaktion has no speech at all - just states his name and gets to humpin, while Pressure squats down before the three foot mirror to watch himself do some crouching undulating.

Of course, we then have a grand finale' curtain call, with all our Ottoman humpers coming out at once! At this point, it's getting a little crowded, strange, and perhaps a little gay. Okay, a lot gay. Relentless goes right after the door, gyrating upon it while rubbing his own face, then grabbing the door knob and the handle on the linen closet and humping some serious air. They all have an air orgy together and casually walk off, leaving us feeling . . . I'm not sure what.

Have a look and let me know what you think. As always, make sure you turn off the music player along the left side of the blog before hitting play. Enjoy. Give my best to Pipelayer.

So, your thoughts?


Michael5000 said...

OK, I don't know this video and there's no fucking way I'm cueing it up here in the coffee shop, but your description is like some unholy offspring of surrealist poetry and porn spam. That's more or less a complement.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

5000: Yeah, Pipelayer isn't a coffe house ready video.

Valley Girl said...

LOL, I'm scared to watch this.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Valley: You'll be glad you watched. "It's your boy X2C . . ."

Jenni said...

I had to stop when Pipelayer entered the screen. What the WHAT was that?
I can't say I've seen an ottoman be violated like that...Ever. Makes me look at my ottoman in a whole new light.
So, thanks for that.

Jenni said...

Okay. I finished watching it in it's entirety, and I'm glad I did. The best was when Pipelayer snaked his way back into the frame and began humping the closet doors. That kind of humor is hard to come by.

I wonder if they'll bust out this little ditty for Thanksgiving at Grandma's?

Miss Organizized said...

The fact that you narrated this so proficiently makes me think your viewing of this vid could be a daily ritual? In any case, it probably wasn't work appropriate, but I dug it anyway. And now I'm left confused about my sexuality. Am I turned on by black men gang raping an ottoman? Or am I officially turned off by men altogether?

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Jenni: That was relentless getting busy with the doors, but whatever, they're all Pipelayers at heart.

Organized: I nailed that narration, right? Those guys can really work their hips, right?

HeatherLynn said...

you know, i really thought I'd watch this video and have something snappy to say...but "forehead is eyes squinted...head jerked slightly sideways and mouth partly open in a half smirk/look of disgust...ummm..yeah, i got nothin over here!


sure hope this doesn't replace the happy dreamy visuals I've had in my head all morning, because the last thing i need at work at my second job tonight is humping ottoman footage! ;)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Lyn: Those fellas really get buys, huh?

Anonymous said...

That video left a nasty taste in my mouth....wonder how many kids each of those sex machines have runnin around

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Yeah. Probably lots. They seem insatiable. I wonder how many stains they leave around their houses when they're flying solo?

Word Verification: "Exaci." "It's your boy, Exaci . . ."