Every Tuesday I work on the West Side of Chicago where I'm the only white guy for blocks and blocks . . .
Today, my boss in those parts, Mr. Green, wanted to get the attention of a big and ugly kid and said, "Hey, Big Ugly!" What's funny is that Big Ugly walked right over without being the least bit offended that he had just been called big and ugly.
Then Mr. Green started asking him if he played football because of his size, and I said, "Yeah, look at the hands on that fella!" His hands were maybe the biggest things I've ever seen and could have probably held two footballs each with room to spare.
Big Ugly could be very "handy" on The Chicago Bears offensive line this season, and it would be the best nickname since the last time we were really good and "The Fridge" played on the team.