Monday, July 23, 2012

These Are the Shitty Things About My Apartment . . .

1. No garbage disposal.  That really grosses me out.  I've never lived somewhere without one.  It means all food items go into the garbage and make it stink faster.

2. Oh yeah.  That's another thing.  The landlord doesn't provide a recycling thingy in the alley, which is not legal in my city of residence if you have more than 6 tenants (he has way more of that).  So, my girlfriend (LSD) is living in sin with me for the summer, and we're killing the environment.  Baby Jesus and Mother Nature are conspiring on how they will rape us in hell. 

3. The landlord also didn't provide any hardware to open the glass kitchen cabinets, so LSD and I had to go to home depot and buy handle-jobbers and super glue them on there.  We didn't notice until we got them on that they look like flaccid syphilitic wangs, but at least we can open the cabinets without getting finger prints on the glass.

4. The good news is that there are laundry machines in the basement.  The bad news is that they are not in the building I live in, so I have to walk through the alley to another one.  I can't wait for those trips when it's below zero! 

5. No central air.  I have a window unit for the bedroom, but the rest of the place is a sweat-house this summer.  This means that I spend a lot of time either in the bedroom or leaving to . . . see number six.

6. It's very close to tons of bars.  This could also be a good thing, but usually it's very bad for me.


james douglas morrison said...

Wall of sound makes it worth it.

Urbanist Chic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

jdm: wall of sound is fully functioning. you should come by some time to sit indian style and watch rock dvd's.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Wall of sound? Isn't that a Phil Spectre thing? Not a good time to be paying homage to him.

There must be an animal lover in the neighbourhood who would feed your waste food to the alley cats and raccoons.

Heff said...



Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Gorilla: Yeah, that is a Spectre thing, but it's just what we call my buddies rack of like 10,000 CD's. Tacky but awesome to behold.

Heff: It's not easy. It's 100 outside today.