Monday, November 01, 2010

And now I bring you, me making fun of the first few Facebook updates of my "friends" on Facebook who I'm pretty sure will never read this blog. That's really terrible to do to people who are my "friends," but I can't think of anything to write about, so here goes . . .

1. "Ohhhhmygoodness just 2 more weeks of night class, I Can NOT wait! No more missing Gossip Girl & 90210! Lol ;)"
4 minutes ago

I guess some of them I don't need to make fun of; I can just put it out there like that. Geez, this is mean because she's a nice girl; just bad taste in television. Okay, let's try another . . .

"Should I have a beer or not????"
6 minutes ago

Well, considering I worked with this woman, and there was more than one occassion where she went to company parties and didn't show the next day, I'd say NO! That's not a bad thing, but sometimes calling out last minute could really screw us at that job, and when we all know it's because of a hangover, that's annoying. To be fair, we all did our job hungover at least a few days a week back then. Suck it up! As for my advice to her if I cared to comment, I'd actually say go ahead and have one, but don't let it turn into 10 and call out tomorrow, screwing over your coworkers. Should I comment that? Nah, I'll just silently bash her on my blog that nobody reads.

3. "
when u gotta good thing dont take it for granted...cause there is always someone else that wont take it for granted..u just may loose it..AND I PROMISE U WILL REGRET cherish and love it like there is nothing else like it..EVERYDAY!"
About an hour ago

This is a person who posts about nine times a day, and it's either motivational crappola like this, which was actually kind of confusing, or it's random updates about her life, especially her workouts. Do I give a fiddler's fuck if you shredded your abs one day or did shoulders on another? Who in the hell cares, lady!? Surprisingly, she gets around 30 comments per update, so someone actually wastes their own lives reading and responding to that sort of thing. I don't comment myself, but I do take time out of my day to rip on her on my blog like an asshole, even poking fun at her spelling (it's lose not loose). I should be shot for this, but I just have to get through two more to make it a top five . . .

i CAN NOT win...i tell ya~geesh! life: y dont u add on more frusteration..
8 hours ago

Okay, that's the same person as number three. I feel bad making fun of a second one, but come on! You know, it does put a squiggly line under a word when it's spelled wrong, so you can take the extra time to try a few spellings until it goes away. Lord knows you have the time if you're updating 9 times a day. Sorry, but that sort of thing just causes me a world of "frusteration."

Puppy training, day #1 went well!
4 minutes ago

I found a lot of updates more stupid than this one, but I was having a hard time finding more people that I wouldn't feel bad talking about. This asshole, I have no problem talking about because all he does is stab people in the back and talk smack. I'd really like to drop him as a friend on Facebook because he's the kind of butthole to use something against you for no reason at all - he does stuff like that all the time. It's a good thing I have been behaving with my updates, keeping them about mundane things like the last one - how hard it is to hit the skip button when Hall and Oats comes on. Actually, that's kind of a lame one. I'd probably make fun of me too.

What do you think, Seven Readers? Was this the meanest most petty post I've ever done, or is this something that should be done for the good of mankind?


Heff said...

Good of mankind.


Miss Organizized said...

HAA!!! Oh man I kinda want to write more lame status updates just to be featured on this blog! They should make an Awkward Facebook Status site just like Awkward Family Photos.

Andrew said...

I love people like #3. I've been thinking about doing a post regarding someone like her.

I think you should do more posts like this.

8.7 out of 10

Radioactive Tori said...

I'm just thankful I am not on your list. My facebook updates are totally lame most of the time.

I am sure I make spelling/grammar errors too but it always makes me flinch when I read things like this. Espeically the loose/lose thing. I have someone on facebook that makes me crazy on facebook because he has a college education and still confuses they're, their, and there. When I updated something about my daughter saying "are this coconut" and me responding "I don't know, IS you in 7th grade" he sort of didn't get it and sent me an email asking me to explain. My daughter got it and laughed immediately after she said what she said and I responded.

Who's meaner now, me or you? I am cracking up at what you wrote about trying a few spellings to make the squiggly line go away too.

Gorilla Bananas said...

This is a mean and petty post which is also for the good of mankind. The two are not mutually exclusive, in my experience.

Sister said...

I would like to add to this list the person who posts 10 times a day about how busy he or she is at work and how much his or her job sucks and how he or she is working on the weekend again. How about get off facebook and do your job! Maybe it won't suck so bad if you don't spend your entire day on facebook!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Haha! Is that really your sister?
Looks like you've been spanked! I'm going to have to link you as an honorary gorilla for this!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Heff: It literally sucks. Sucks away all your time. Sucks your marriage away. Sucks big balls. Well, not literally for that last one.

Miss Org: You're too cool to publicly diss on this here rag.

Andrew: 8.7? I need to step up my game . . .

Radio: I guess we're both mean, but you had the nuts to say it too him. I just dissed her anonymously on my own blog that no one reads.

Gorilla: Mean, petty, and good for mankind. And ape kind.

Sis: Yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about. I'm thinking my next blog should be all her updates in a 24-hour-period. I'm not FB friends with her, nor do I care to, so email 24-hours worth to me!

Gorilla: That is my sister, but it sounds like you think she's ripping on me, which I can see her doing, but no, she's making fun of a friend of hers. An honorary Gorilla? I better heard over and look into that . . .

Kritkrat said...

My best update ever:

bschooled said...

Yes, very mean and petty.

On that note, I'd like to share with you status update number 13 (of the day) written by my not-really-a-facebook-friend-but-I-can't-bear-to-delete-her-because-her-wtf?edness-fascinates-me:

"Small droplets of rain break apart into flowing water on my window. I lay; waking hearing I am visioneering what I can do in this moment and on this day. Angles be with me."


Angles be with her, indeed...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

'Donk: Oooh! Yo mommma's a big 'ol slut!

bschool: I can "envisioneer" just what this chick's like, and I hate her. A lot. But yeah, I'd keep her on FB just for laughs.

Vodka and Ground Beef said...

"when u gotta good thing dont take it for granted...cause there is always someone else that wont take it for granted..u just may loose it..AND I PROMISE U WILL REGRET cherish and love it like there is nothing else like it..EVERYDAY!"

These are my favorite types of deep, philosophical posts. I love the menacing CAPS LOCK too. Those points really came through.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Vodka: Yeah. She drove those points home with the caps. Are you as lost as I am as to what her message is here? I think she's learning disabled, which is a little sad. I don't think she's a bad person, so I'm kind of a cock for poking fun at her here. Jeez. I'm awful.

Ms Smack said...

Hello luv. Nah, I don't think it's mean. I think it's funny.


Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Smack: Good, I got Ms Smack's approval. : )