Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I'm Paying Someone To Show Me How To Lift Weights

Yes, it sounds a little stupid when phrased like that, but that's exactly what I'm doing.  I signed up for a new fancy gym membership right after the holidays because I wanted somewhere to swim and because I was starting to feel out of shape.  Then they showed me my body fat percentage and I felt even fatter.  Somehow at 6'2 and between 202 and 206 pounds, I am over 21% body fat.  Impressed?  I don't even have much fat showing anywhere so I really don't know how all that lard is swimming around beneath the surface of a seemingly slim man.  Either way, when the gym guys showed me that astounding number, they were able to talk me into getting some personal training sessions.

I like my trainer guy okay.  He is around my age and pretty much just sticks to business, which I like.  Jokes are no good to me because while this guy could probably snap me like a twig, there is no way in hell he's going to be funnier than me, right?  If he was, I would fire him instantly because I at least have to be better at something than him besides posting up my whopper fat percentage.

Today he told me that he was training a "big Black guy" who is training to be a professional body builder, yet the guy gives up all the time.  So, he yelled at him in front of the whole gym and asked him repeatedly, "Does your pussy hurt?"  After hearing that story I did whatever he asked and didn't complain about a thing.  Didn't even ask for water breaks.  Actually, I am a pretty good dude to train even without the brow beating because I respond well to someone telling me what to lift, push, throw, or whatever.  I hate having to come up with routines of my own and like pushing my limits, so I am all for the abuse, even on the days when my man-pussy is aching and throbbing.

You ever have a personal trainer, readers?  How are your New Year's Resolutions coming along?


Dr Zibbs said...

We're the exact same height and weight!

Mr. Shife said...

Well I can't be invited to the club where you and Dr Zibbs hang because I belong to the 5'8" and 150 pound club. You guys are point guards and I am a Latin American soccer player. You guys can be my bodyguards. Glad the training sessions are going and sounds like your trainer is all business. Good luck and there is no way the trainer is funnier than you.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'm not sure 21% is particularly high - I suggest you email Professor Luigi Fontana and ask for his opinion. You seem to have the right attitude for military service.

Urbanist Chic said...
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Kenneth Noisewater said...

Zibbs: Same height and weight, but I destroy you in body fat. I'm like all Crisco inside.

Shife: Latin American soccer build is a good thing. But yeah, me and Zibbs got your back in a fight. I will cut myself and spray gravy at them.

Gorilla: I trust anyone named Luigi for plumbing or anything else.