Thursday, August 12, 2010

Maggie Talks Back

It's time, once again, for another song analysis, this time with Rod Stewart's older girlfriend from his youth, Maggie May, saying back to him what Dr. Ken thinks she might have said.

Rod the Bod:
Wake up Maggie I think I got something to say to you
It's late September and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused but I feel I'm being used
Oh Maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone
You stole my heart and that's what really hurt

Maggie May:
Listen, kid, don't blame me because you chose to come over and lay around and have sex with me all day instead of going to class. I can live like this because my ex husband has to cut me 7k every month, but your narrow ass should be in the classroom every now and then. It's not like you couldn't go to class during the day and then come over and bone. Don't blame me for being a dead beat student, dude; that's your thing.

Rod the Bod:
The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age
But that don't worry me none in my eyes you're everything
I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didn't need to coax
Oh, Maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without

Maggie May:
Hey, I know I was a little hard on you there, but did you really have to tell me how old I look in the light? Jeez! And I stole your soul?? That's being a little dramatic, don't you think? I may be a sex fiend old cougar, but it's not like I'm Pinhead from Hellraiser sucking souls out of teenagers.

Rod the Bod:
All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand
But you turned into a lover and
mother what a lover, you wore me out
All you did was wreck my bed
and in the morning kick me in the head
Oh Maggie I couldn't have tried anymore
You lured me away from home 'cause you didn't want to be alone
You stole my heart I couldn't leave you if I tried

Maggie May:
You're wearing me out too, kid. We've been bumping fuzzies around the clock for four months here. And wait, I thought you were dumping me, and now you're saying you can't leave me? This is annoying; let's just screw again.

Rod the Bod:
I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school
Or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool
Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helpin' hand
Oh Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
You made a first-class fool out of me
But I'm as blind as a fool can be
You stole my heart but I love you anyway

Maggie May:
I'd go with the books and school thing. The professional pool player or pool hustler thing seems kind of impulsive and poorly conceived. Now the rock star thing I can see! You have great hair, a good look, and a sexiness to you. I like your body, and I think you're sexy. That's almost a song right there . . .

Rod the Bod:
Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
I'll get on back home one of these days

Maggie May:
Sure, kid. Look me up next time you're back in town. Just try not to be so dramatic, and don't talk about my face looking old because that's just not how you sweet talk a lady.


HeatherLynn said...

if my ass didn't already have a crack in it, i'd tell you that you crack my ass up! ;)


Heff said...

Hilarious ! I've often thought the subject matter of that song was ridiculous, myself !

sister said...

Awesome! Love it.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Lyn: Thanks. I thank Maggie for popping Rod's cherry.

Heff: Yeah, right? He's all over the place in that song. All kinds of emotional swings and hair brained schemes.

Sister: Thanks, sis.

Mr. Shife said...

You just can't get this kind of hard-hitting and hilarious information from VH1. Thank you good Dr. for the chuckle. Excellent work buddy.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Shife: Thanks so much, Shifey! It's always nice to get positive feedback like that. I'm coming by your page and giving props to a no doubt bomb-ass post.